The World According to miss*H

Blood, sweat and a lot of tears

2011-08-27T17:02:00.004+01:00

Finally our house is being renovated room by room. Kitchen - done, living room - done (apart from a new sofa), over this next month we're finishing re-decorating my dressing room, the attic has now been floor boarded and that will be it for this year. It's been non-stop painting, plastering, flooring and tiling for the past 5 months. Next year we'll be tackling the bathroom, main bedroom, lean-to and the landscaping the garden.Gone is the horrible cheap beach furniture we bought for out first rented house 8 years ago, gone is the horrible cheap tacky accessories from our early twenties that were probably quite cool at the time but the bright pinks and purples hurt my eyes now and in place we have vintage finds, classic designer pieces and unique artwork. Not an Argos item in site.

It's been a f'ing nightmare at times but finally this little rented house that we bought off our landlord last xmas feels like home!

still breathing

2011-08-11T11:46:00.003+01:00

I'm still here, still breathing, just not blogging for the moment. I have been a VERY bad girl and am currently doing my time (if you have been reading my blog for long enough you can put two and two together and probably come up with four, or five or just make up a reason why i've been away. Damn I should have said something interesting like, I've been travelling the world with a dwarf and a sparkly unicorn ) which means a break from facebook, blogging etc until my life is back on track. Too much virtual world is a bad thing. I have had such a crazy few months so maybe soon I'll tell all my dirty little secrets.

For the meantime I'm still active on twitter much to many peoples dismay. I won't apologise for that nor my swearing or my rather uncouth mouth. If you want to come and say hello I'm @miss_H_uk

I can resist everything but temptation

2011-05-03T17:26:00.001+01:00

If you do something that you don’t have a moral problem with but you know that in the eyes of many it is morally wrong should you stop?
If in doing the thing you shouldn’t be doing in the eyes of many it actually makes every other aspect of your life just that little bit better should you stop?

If it is unlikely that anyone else will find out but if they do it would cause a lot of heartbreak should you stop?

Does only having a few tiny pangs of guilt make you a really really bad person?

Does the fact that you can detach yourself emotionally from the situation make you a bad person?

Does any of this even make any sense?

2011-04-25T20:01:00.000+01:00

Jenna, I love you!

2011-04-14T07:28:00.002+01:00

5 a day

2011-03-31T12:00:00.000+01:00

Yeah Yeah Yeah I know...where the hell have I been! I've been here quietly in the background but a few things have kept me away from blogging life and twitter.

1/ Winston being really ill before and then losing him on Boxing Day

2/ Work was manic for a few months after Xmas what with numerous unfortunate redundancies and changes to implement and travelling about between offices

3/ My wi-fi is buggered at home due to a cat who likes to chew wires so I can't use my laptop and I point blankly refuse to use the old filing cabinet sized static computer in the spare bedroom unless it is an absolute matter of life or death and unfortunately blogging is not such a thing.

4/ My off line social life has been f'in awesome recently. This is the main reason for my M.I.A. I have been spending a lot of time with friends and work colleagues who have become really good friends. Don't they say that people only blog when they are fed up with life....

(oh and I have a dog who is an attention seeking pain in the bum)

What was the point of this post again? Right, food. For the last week or so I have been eating super super healthy foods. I'm pretty healthy anyway being a veggie and we don't eat frozen food at home or really eat convenience foods but my problem was eating far too much stodge and carbs....too much bread, pasta, potatoes and cheese, so I have cut these out and boom.....much happier H. I was also known to be a breakfast and lunch skipper only to get in from work and gorge myself until I felt sick plus I wasn't the best at getting my five a day (fruit and veg you dirty filthy people). So for the past week I have been cooking for myself, Chef Mr W has been retired for time being, I've been stocking my fridge full of only fruit and veg, eating as healthily as possible, getting 3 meals a day and going to the gym (well so far that has happened once but I have made up for my shortfalls on the exercise front my having very vigorous sex sessions...every little helps right?!)

This is a salad of my own making (you can have it warm or cold) I have made numerous times now and because I'm lazy I make a huge big batch of it and then take it to work each day for my lunch. Yesterday I used a pre-made lime and chili quiona pack instead of cous cous and left the dressing off. You could also eat it as a main meal or with an accompaniment. It's packed FULL of antioxidants, vitamins and health...you can feel the health seeping into your pores but best of all it's really really easy to make and looks and tastes divine!

Main Ingredients

Pomegranate Seeds

1 x Butternut squash

1 x Red Pepper

Tomatoes

Garlic

Tendersteam Broccoli

Asparagus

Cous-Cous or Quinoa

Sunflower Seeds

2 x Spring Onions

Blue Cheese (if you fancy)

Dressing:

Finely chopped Basil

Finely chopped Parsley

White Wine Vinegar

Dijon Mustard

Lemon Juice

Olive Oil

Slice and roast the red pepper, butternut squash and tomatoes in the oven with a splash of olive oil and some crushed garlic cloves
Meanwhile chuck the pomegranate seeds, sunflowers seeds and chopped spring onion into a big bowl .
Gently steam or boil the tendersteam broccoli and asparagus until tender making sure not to overcook so they go soggy.
Cook the cous-cous or quinoa to your taste (I leave the butter out).
Chuck everything into the bowl and mix well adding the dressing if desired (make this to your own taste..I taste the dressing as I go..you can either make it very lemony or quite potent with the mustard depending on how fresh or hot you like it.

2011-01-26T12:21:00.000Z

I'm a very creative person but I think I suck at art! Mr W spent 3 years at art college and is a brilliant painter but in comparison to him I look like a childish amature but a few years ago I did the above and a colleague at work (who I might add is a brilliant stencil graffiti artist) has said he'll pay me to do some artwork for him in the style of the above. Now I'm no Banksy but doing art for others fills me with dread!The expectations, the pressure, the..just no no no!

My house is currently my canvas what with walls being ripped out, kitchens being demolished, carpets being pulled up, new floors going down and every conceivable space being painted and glossed there will be lots of walls to fill up with artwork so maybe just maybe I might bring out my old paints and bushes but more than likely I'll do like everyone else and buy art. It's so much easier.

part of the job......

2011-01-18T14:05:00.002Z

I blogged at my wordpress account..
http://littlemisskittyuk.wordpress.com/2011/01/18/all-part-of-the-job/

For the password either tweet me @miss_H_uk
or email theworldaccordingtomissh@gmail

Au Revoir 2010!

2010-12-31T15:42:00.000Z

Au Revoir 2010! You've been shitty in parts, regrettably this xmas but I'll forgive you for this most heinous of crimes (namely taking my Winston away from me on Boxing Day) because you've been pretty damn awesome the rest of the year (I bought a house, made some excellent friends, bought a puppy, had some good times) however I will still be glad to see the back of you sop I can start afresh.
If you could ask 2011 to carry on the awesomeness that would be grand.
Much Gracias x

Winston 23-09-2008 - 26-12-2010 XXX

2010-12-28T12:26:00.001Z

There is a bridge connecting heaven and earth

It is called Rainbow Bridge because of its many colours

Just this side of the Rainbow Bridge there is a land of meadows,
hills, valleys with lush green grass

When a beloved pet dies, the pet goes to this special place
There is always food and water and warm spring weather

The old and frail are young again
Those who are maimed are made whole again

They play all day with each other
There is only one thing missing

They are not with their special person who loved them on Earth

So each day they run and play until the day comes
when one suddenly stops playing and looks up !

The nose twitches !
The ears are up !
The eyes are staring !
And this one suddenly runs from the group !

You have been seen, and when you and your special friend meet,
you take him or her into your arms and embrace
your face is kissed again and again,
and you look once more into the eyes of your trusting pet

Then you cross the Rainbow Bridge together, never again to be separated

Xx

Winston is coming home....

2010-11-19T13:07:00.001Z

...for the weekend at least anyway!

Thank you all for your messages and emails about him. It means a lot.

He's slowly getting better each day so we're bringing him home this weekend as the vets think he might progress better in familiar surroundings as he's not really eating or moving about too much but last night when we visited him he was moving his tail about!!!! (this is massive news as amputation was talked about as his tail was completely paralysed..the feeling is also returning to his legs and back end and he went for a wee by himself after his catheter was removed which the vets were certain he would not be able to do so it looks as if his neurological bladder damage is slowly going)

Both his back legs and stomach are a complete mess so he will be back to the vets first on Monday morning to have his wounds re-dressed and stitched and then on Thursday we have to take him to the specialist veterinary hospital down south for his major hip surgery...but things are looking a LOT more promising and slowly each day he's making little steps and compared to earlier in the week when it was discussed how he might have to be put to sleep today it really is a miracle.

The vet nurses are all in love with him as all he does is purr and has been given the title of 'His Majesty' and he insists on being hand fed and at 8kg is not the slightest of cats (he has big bones okay)

We'll never know whether he was attached or hit by a car but either way there are some uncaring bastards out there. Who the hell runs a cat over and leaves it with life threatening injures?!

I will be using it as the perfect excuse this weekend to hole myself up in my bedroom with some dvd's, comfort food and Lola to keep me sane whilst Winston is in his cage in the corner. I am not putting one foot outside the door this weekend. Just call me Nurse H!

Winston Sebastian Wood

2010-11-16T11:31:00.003Z

I know this is not the right place but I feel at a loss of what to do at the moment. Winston managed to sneak out of the house on Sunday night and a neighbour who was helping me look for him found him on Monday morning (when I realised he was missing) as I was leaving for work in another neighbours coal bunker in a bit of a mess.

He has a bad wound on one leg down to the bone, has broken some teeth, has a nasty wound all down his stomach, his left hip has dislocated badly hip that needs to be replaced or pinned (initially the vet thought he's fractured his pelvis and sent the xrays to 3 other vets to check as she was so certain he had) and his tail and back legs are currently paralysed meaning that he is messing himself without realising.

We were supposed to be taking him to a huge specialist veterinary surgery down South in a few days for his hip replacement and possible tail amputation but the vets have just phoned to say that he can't have the surgery now until his bladder functions return to normal and it's not looking promising for him. They've put in a catheter and will hope that by the end of the week he's stopped passing blood/gets the feeling in his bladder back but if he doesn't it means he a/ can't have the surgery he needs b/it's not fair to keep him in this state

We're still at a complete loss as to what happened to him. At first we thought he'd been hit by a car but he hates roads and won't go anywhere near them and his claws are still perfectly sharp. The vet said his injuries are the same as a few cats she's had in that had been kicked so that was her second guess but why would he have wounds and broken teeth? We think he must have got stuck in something and panicked trying to free himself before crawling into the bunker. I guess we'll never know what happened.

We're really careful with them and because they are pedigree cats and better suited to the indoors we tried to keep them as indoor cats and not let them out of our sight but Winston got a taste of the great outdoors and so likes to go out every now and again and potter around in the garden but he is never outside for more than 30minutes and he doesn't venture further than the next door neighbours garden. I guess you never can be too careful.

Lola, who is the laziest cat ever, has been wondering around the house looking for him and has been sitting by her food waiting for him to appear so she can eat. They might ignore each other most of the time but they always eat together.

Everyone that meets him falls in love with all 8kg of him. He's a massive ball of charcater. He's a talkative cat but he's sat in his cage at the vets completely silent. It's horrible.

He's refusing to eat at the vets so Mr W and I are going after work to see him again and take some fresh warm roast chicken for him (his favorite treat) to see if we can tempt him to eat.

It sounds dramatic but my cats are like my babies and to loose him would be heartbreaking.

Please send positive vibes his way!!

Protected: J’ai envie de te baiser….

2010-11-13T15:35:00.003Z

Go here to my old wordpress account:

http://littlemisskittyuk.wordpress.com/2010/11/13/jai-envie-de-te-baiser/

Tweet me @miss_H_uk or email theworldaccordingtomissh@gmail.com for password!

Swim Until You Can't See Land

2010-11-01T21:21:00.003Z

Do you ever hear a song that is so perfect it literally makes your whole body go numb and you get the intense electric pulses throughout and so you listen to it over and over again trying to chase the thrill you got the first time you ever heard it...I like to call it a 'mugasm'. 'Frightend Rabbit' to me are perfect. This song is perfect.

We salute at the threshold of the North Sea in my mind
And a nod to the boredom that drove me here to face the tide and swim.

I swim. Oh, swim.

Dip the toe in the ocean. Oh how it hardens and it numbs.
The rest of me is a version of man, built to collapse into crumbs.
And if I hadn't come down to the coast to disappear
I may have died in a land-slide of the rocks, the hopes and fears.

So swim until you can't see land.
Swim until you can't see land.
Swim until you can't see land
Are you a man or are you a bag of sand?
Swim until you can't see land.
Swim until you can't see land.
Swim until you can't see land
Are you a man or are you a bag of sand?

Up to my knees now, do I wait? Do I dive?
The sea has seen my like before though it's my first and perhaps last time.
Let's call me a baptist, call this the drowning of the past.
She's there on the shoreline throwing stones at my back.

So swim until you can't see land.
Swim until you can't see land.
Swim until you can't see land
Are you a man or are you a bag of sand?
Swim until you can't see land.
Swim until you can't see land.
Swim until you can't see land
Are you a man or are you a bag of sand?

Now the water's taller than me and the land is a marker line
All I am is a body adrift in water, salt and sky.

So swim until you can't see land.
Swim until you can't see land.
Swim until you can't see land
Are you a man or are you a bag of sand?
Swim until you can't see land.
Swim until you can't see land.
Swim until you can't see land
Are you a man or are you a bag of sand?

No point in flogging a dead horse

2010-11-01T13:39:00.002Z

Happy Halloween!!!! (I don't have any decent pictures of me in my costume so you will have to make do with one of my after the party after I'd been crying and with damn fake blood on that I could not scrub off no matter how hard I tried..complete with mark on my forehead from my big that looks like some impressive stiches)

I can't believe how much of an emo I seem to be turning into lately. All I seem to do on here is cry over girls, or McDonalds and write a load of emotional b*shit...this is so not me but here goes another.....

So I've written loads of times about my female friends, how I don't have many and lately I seem to be loosing the few that I have....and it seems like I've now lost another and I can't seem to understand why. A certain friend I've been emailing loads and texting and all of my correspondence to her has been ignored but I put it down to her being busy etc and another friend said that she has had the same responses off her so that made me feel a little beter however this weekend there was a big Halloween house party at a friends....i went as 'Malice in Horrorland' and I think I looked pretty swish..I have the psychopath look down to a 't'...and this friend was there. It was awkward. I felt like she was ignoring me and all the other girls were crowded around her so I felt a little pushed out and like I couldn't get any decent time alone with her (honestly since she moved up north every time she's back down she literally gets mobbed).

Later in the evening we all headed to the pub....maybe I'm just being paranoid but she was sat next to me at one point, had a very quick chat and then moved chairs to sit next to someone else as if she could not get away fast enough.

I've broached the subject with her numerous times about me going up to stay with her in her new house....my question is either ignored or she dodges it or says she's really busy. I'd asked her a few weeks ago about going up next weekend but she'd ignored my email...then in the pub asks one of our 'new' friends in my earshot whether she wanted to go up and stay next weekend. That really really cut deep.

I went home soon after crying all the way back, which made me look even more psychotic in my blood stained apron and blonde wig.

The next day she popped round to a friends house whilst I was there and basically ignored me. I sent her a text yesterday afternoon saying how it was lovely to see her and how I was sorry that I didn't get to speak to her much but that it was all a bit hectic and so I didn't want to crowd her and maybe we can meet up sometime soon....as yet...no reply!

Really stupid I know but I felt so hurt by it all as I honestly thought we were really good friends for the 3 years she was here. We used to hang out all of the time when she lived here (she even lived with me for 3 months) and even when she lived in another country for a year I used to send her videos and cards.

I'm also feeling like the green monster has reared it's ugly head as I'm a little jealous that one of the new girls in our group seems to be spending lots of time with her up north and I feel as if they are purposely excluding me. My old paranoia then kicks in that the new girl (who I like but have nothing in common with and so we'll never be 'friends' and hang out without the boys around) is saying things about me behind my back....see I clearly have issues with the female species!

I know she's not being a bitch on purpose but either I've done something wrong and she feels unable to broach the subject with me, or maybe she just feels differently about our friendship now she's back home and has her old friends around her. I've changed since she's moved North...I'm much more confident..I even dress differently so maybe this is the problem..she feels this change and doesn't like it. Either way I feel clueless and I'm not even able to get an answer from her as she's ignoring any communication I'm making to her.

Like they say.....there is no point trying to keep a friendship that has obviously died.

That now leaves me down to 1 female friend!!

Yesterday I picked Mr W and Bodie up from a friends to bring back home and I ended up behind the wheel in tears crying manically at some traffic lights....things have been going to well lately and now I feel like a failure again.

Am I that shit a person that people seem to go off me? Why can't I seem to keep female friends?

What the hell am I doing wrong? I'd pay good money for the key to the secret as for me it seems an impossible task.

Taking the Power Back

2010-10-26T13:35:00.001+01:00

I’m feeling really good about myself lately and perhaps I should say it is due to the attention of another man..let me explain before I dig myself into a hole.

1/ I’ve booked my hair appointment at Lucinda Ellery to sort out my mess of a birds nest. Yes I’ve had to take out a loan for it but I know I will feel and look like a million dollars afterwards so surely it’s worth a small fortune?!

2/ I met someone on my work trip to Bordeux the other month from Head Office. No there is nothing going on but there is lots of flirtation over email and we get on so so well. It is all very innocent but he has made me feel good about myself which is turn has had a knock on effect in my relationship with Mr W. Mr W knows all about him and I think he is flattered that someone else fancies his wife. (Let me make this clear…nothing will ever happen between us. He knows this, I kno w this, Mr W knows this…it’s just nice to have a bit of attention from someone else and there are no feelings involved)

It’s resulted in me having my mojo back (after loosing it for long while as I felt ugly and unworthy) as I realise that I am attractive to good looking men, I’m not disgusting and men love my personality and me just the way I am.

I have been making a huge effort with my appearance and everyone around me has noticed. Today I have on huge platform heels, a little dress, loads of jewellery and I’ve done my hair and make up and people at work are complimenting me on how good I look. I’ve been told today by 4 separate Managers that I look gorgeous. I am never told I’m ‘gorgeous’..I’m always the scruffy one with the messy hair and unfashionable clothes because I’d fall out of bed in the morning and wear the same work attire of unfitting black trousers, old top and flat shoes with my hair scrapped back.

I dressed up yesterday too as I went clothes shopping over the weekend for the first time in a year (house buying has a lot to answer for) and spring-cleaned and organised my dressing room (yes I have a whole room to myself for all my things) and found that I can be fashionable. I think a lot of how you look has to do with confidence and I lost my confidence a while ago but since these few little changes and thanks to the attention of a French man I feel like me again. I feel good in my skin.

Wouldn’t everyone like to arrive at work to an email each morning telling them they have ‘the most beautiful eyes’ and ‘an awesome personality’. I would and I’m relishing in the attention. I’m liking the power I’m holding over this man with him knowing that I don’t want him back in that way. I’m no longer stood at the back of the room and I don’t intend to hide away again.

(If anyone would like to borrow my dark, handsome French man to make them feel good about themself I will happily pimp him out to you for mates rates......)

UPDATE: McDonalds

2010-10-21T09:37:00.000+01:00

So I ordered a veggie deli sandwich meal from McDonalds and they gave me a chicken one in error which I half ate (after 13 years of non-meat eating by body was not impressed) and what do I get......an apology letter from their vegetarian Customer Service Manager at Head Office, £20 McDonalds vouchers (as if I will ever eat there again) and £25 Argos vouchers to "buy yourself a gift". I could pursue it further but I'm not sure I can really be bothered but then again they gave meat to a vegetarian and shockingly someone else wrote a post a few days after mine saying the exact same thing had happened to her.

McDonalds....you need to sort major problem out! It probably doesn't help that your chicken and veggie deli sandwiches are packaged in exactly the same way and have the same sauces etc.

One day someone will call childline on me....

2010-10-19T19:15:00.000+01:00

McDonalds...all about the meat!

2010-10-07T15:44:00.003+01:00

On Tuesday night…..after my Blackberry being eaten by the dog incident I was in a foul mood and after spending an hour at Vodaphone after work trying to sort out the problem decided I couldn’t be bothered to cook and would go to McDonalds. I hardly ever go there..perhaps a few times a year because I’m a veggie (and have been for 13 years) and McDonalds…well it’s all about the meat!

I ordered a spicy veggie deli sandwich and it came out straight away looking as it always does and labelled correctly and in the correct packaging. I was only when I got half way through eating it (it was covered in the sauce and lettuce and in a similar coating so I did not realise until the inside of the offending patty was visible) that Mr W screamed “H, are you sure that’s a vegetarian sandwhich?!..do not put any more in your mouth!” that I realised it was in fact chicken that I had been eating and not a the vegetarian sandwhich! (I admit it tasted a little different but certainly not like meat)

Horrified I ran to the toilet and promptly threw up whereby the Manager followed me with a glass of water. On speaking to her in tears she offered me an apology, said that it was a kitchen error and offered me a free ice cream to compensate. I did not take her up on her offer of a free ice cream or replacement meal or even the two vouchers for two free meals that she offered me after much more distressed crying by myself (the rest of the customers at this point found this all highly amusing).

I’m so horrified that an error by their kitchen staff has resulted in me being given meat to eat incorrectly labelled as something suitable for a vegetarian. It was not the fault of the server as my order was taken correctly but the fault of whoever in the kitchen placed the wrong chicken in the wrong packaging.

I spent the evening after eating the offending ‘chicken’ item being sick, feeling nauseas and generally being really really pissed off.

An email and telephone calls to the Business Manager of the branch has so far gone unanswered

A few people have told me to sue or ask for monetary compensation…….what would you do?

All In A days Work for Bodie

2010-10-07T15:38:00.000+01:00

As someone suggested it looks like he has been attempting to order from QVC again

mmmmmmmmmGary

2010-10-05T13:00:00.002+01:00

So I'm back...sue me!

This morning I logged into my Twitter to see that I had been leaving messages via my blackberry along the lines of "££££££££££££££££Gary". I left my phone at home by accident in a rush this morning on the kitchen table with the cats....these two to be precise and they had obviously been playing with my phone and somehow managed to not only get onto my twitter and leave the above messages (yes I was impressed too) but text people in my phonebook messages such as "mmmmmmmmGary".

Who the hell is this Gary fella that they seem so desperate to get hold of is what I would like to know.

Now one of the little buggers has knocked it off the kitchen table (probably on purpose) and given it to the puppy who I have been told by Mr W (after I frantically rang him this morning to ask him to go home and get my phone off the cats) has chewed all of the buttons off and eaten half the screen of my lovely shiny, new white Blackberry. Which means I have to pay £25 to the phone insurance company and wait 2 weeks for a new phone...and after I'd spent ages downloading apps and getting it the way I like it and not to mention taking lots of pictures with it of Bordeaux and having loads of important emails etc saved on it.

After Bodie ate poo this morning on our walk I'm not sure I'd want it back with his slobber on it but it's the principle people. The principle!! Cats are dangerous. Don't ever turn your back on one; they want to take over the world and mark my word they will take out everyone and anyone in their way. Little furry bastards!

Thank f for phone insurance!!!

Public Service Announcement

2010-09-22T15:58:00.000+01:00

I really didn't want to do a 'public' announcement like this as i hate it when others have done the same..it's very self obsessed and attention seeking ..completely unlike me :) . At the end of the day no one really gives a damn whether little blogs on the huge world wide web disappear but a few people have emailed me asking me where I have disappeared to and why my posts of the last month or so have been so crap...truth is I have completely lost my writing mojo (hence the lame you tube videos instead of substaional posts lately...i didn't want you to think I'd died or anything) so from today I am giving up writing on here and on the other websites I write for.

I think my writing is rubbish anyway and it's really hard to write something good or interesting when you have deadlines to meet and either don't write as a full time career or get paid for any of it and it has become a chore with no real gain at the end of it. I ended up forcing out articles that I was embarrassed to have published. I pride myself on being hilarious (hey ask Mr W..he'll tell you how f'in funny I am..my cats LOVE my jokes) and the stuff I was writing was boring and flat and rushed out.

So I bid you all farewell. Thank you for the year and a half you've been reading my random schizophrenic thoughts even if I have lost my way a little. I shall still be on twitter and what with just buying my house, the addition of my puppy and all manner of other busy things outside of work I may pop up on my other neglected blog Peacock Feathers as all I seem to read lately is interior design magazines, blogs and beautiful home furnishing websites. One day I will have my house Elle Decoration worthy!

And never say never...i may pop up on here again at some point...a girl is allowed to change her mind!

Au Revoir!

Being a Dickhead's Cool

2010-09-17T13:42:00.002+01:00

My week in pictures

2010-09-17T12:44:00.000+01:00

It's been hectic at work this week with me covering someone elses job whilst she is on honeymoon and I have lost my blogging mojo..actually I lost it a while ago and am struggling to get it back, so all you get this week are some lame pictures I'm afraid.

1/ I have buggered up my knee again so spent last week hobbling about, going to the fracture clinic at the hospital and being given a massive leg brace to wear (which I wore for 1 day then promptly shoved to the back of the cupboard under the stairs)

2-3/ Spent last Saturday at Vanfest (the world's largest VW van show I have you know). Have I mentioned before than Mr W's other life is his 1971 VW early bay called 'Denzel'?. Not that we saw many vans at the show...we saw more cider bars than vans, saw some VERY cute mini Bodie & Charlie puppies and Charlie wee'd on someones very shiny van. And I dressed Bodie up with a Hawaiian Lee...he does not look gay..just flamboyant!

- Spent Sunday at the Frampton Country Fayre in my Dads village - lots of gun dogs, farm animals and people in tweed! I was almost sick when I entered a fox hunt supporters tent (I am massively against it) and missed all the gun dog shows I want to watch but I did see a man herding some ducks into a pen with his sheep-dogs. Most impressive!

What did you get up to at the weekend?

Who needs friends.....

2010-09-07T15:48:00.006+01:00

It’s so lovely to log onto facebook in the morning at work and be met with the above message posted on my wall. I’m sure my parents, work colleagues and friends loved to see such bile on there when they logged on the other morning too....and it was all because I agreed with someone on her facebook wall (see below) about her unnecessary language and use of the word c-u-n-t (yes I am a fine one to talk about unnecessary swearing but there is a time and a place for rants such as hers).

Seriously am I that bad a person?…and to think I have that and the below on her wall directed at me because I agreed with a mutual friend that her obsessive use of the word c-u-n-t was a little uncouth.

I have talked about his person before here and here so it really was of no surprise but I still can’t understand why she always singles me out to direct her bile of hatred towards. The others who disagreed with her did not get shit posted on their wall or were singled out. I haven’t seen her in person for over a year because she is so volatile and the majority of our friends can't be dealing with her anymore (we were never close friends but I liked the girl and her crazy ideas..at least she was fun if a little unhinged) and we don’t communicate very often but I have never hated the girl and have always put it down to her 'illness' that she can blow hot and cold; she is either your best friend or your worst enemy depending on her bi-polar mood (which she does not take medication for and completely revels in).

This is again after the pointless drama back in January on facebook when she called me a “cock sucking c-u-n-t” amongst other things because I disagreed something she had written (she does not like people disagreeing with her…she is allowed total free speech but bugger to anyone else) …and for some reason I decided against my better judgement to be the bigger person and give her another chance (not that she apologised) ..you can read all about it here.

All she has done is shown herself again to be a total attention seeking, silly little girl (she is 28 I might add) and shown her true colours to everyone as well as pressing her self destruction button once more.

I wanted to send her an email but everyone told me to leave it and let it lie but I’ve had enough of her hatred towards me when I have done fuck all wrong! So I emailed her the below and surprise surprise no response. In her warped mind she is probably relishing all of the attention.

Seriously Georgie, I liked someones status, which was perfectly reasonably formed, not offensive nor but very diplomatic, and I am “jealous”, “a twat” and “a cunt”? I know you have issues but really do you have to be so immature and abusive? I have clearly done nothing wrong YET AGAIN. You’re the one always preaching about free speech and yet when someone agrees that your language is unnecessary and some could find it offensive you abuse them. So it’s okay for you to have free speech but no one else. Do the words ‘double standards’ mean anything to you?…clearly not!!!

Georgie is allowed to say whatever she wants because she is crazy and creative and speaks her mind but bollox to anyone else doing the same. Did you direct a vile abusive message to the other two people who agreed with the message I agreed with? Hhhmm I though not. What exactly is your problem with me seeing as I have not seen you in years and I have been nothing but nice to you when we have see each other. I even invited you to my wedding for Christ sake because I liked you. Get over yourself!!

I gave you a second chance after you and your ‘friends’ last bullying of me on facebook when I ‘dared’ to disagree with yet another of your unnecessary and childish outbursts on facebook which was completely hypocritical of you seeing as you took the quiz yourself. Christ you are 28..you act like a child with your ridiculous use of the word Cunt. What are you 12?

I have balls. I would love you tell you on here what I really think of you so I will seeing as you asked. I gave you a chance to change and be the person I used to like but clearly you never will and you have just shown your true colours to everyone by being so vile and abusive.

You are manipulative, self centred, delusional and use your ‘issues’ as a pathetic excuse to behave like a total bitch to everyone (for Christ sake we all have issues but we don’t harp on about them all the time). You may have 500 odd 'friends' on facebook but you know that the majority of them are your friends because they love to laugh at how utterly ridiculous you are. It literally brightens their day to have a gander on your facebook and see what delusional self righteous hippy bullshit or just general bullshit you have posted about that day because no one could be as messed up as you are.

And me jealous of you? Why exactly would I be jealous of you? You wallow in self pity and being unhinged, have no real friends just others as fucked up as you are, only fucked up unhealthy relationships, a washed up career as a 'model' and a criminal record. And what’s worst of all if you clearly love living your life like this. You won’t let anyone help you despite clearly being unhappy with your life. God I wish I was you…I’d give up my gorgeous husband, my beautiful house (which I own I might add), all my hard earned money from a job I like and which I’m bloody good at, my health and all my amazing friends to have your life. I really really would.

Anyway, good luck with your life. You are certainly going to need it if you keep going the way you are. You will end up sad and lonely and one of those crazy old ladies that become a towns institutions by alienating all those around you that actually cared at one stage and don’t want to see you fucked up and in a gutter somewhere.

You clearly cannot see the bad direction in which your life is going. It’s not healthy to carry so much hatred..and next time don’t direct whatever misguided jealously/hated whatever towards me when it is completely unnecessary and uncalled for. It seems that only one person is the jealous one out of the two of us.

I’d say I’ll see you around but clearly and gladly our paths will not cross again now as you are out of our circle of friends by your own doing. Maybe you should think about that but clearly you don’t give a damn.

Have a nice life, and please sort out whatever if going on with your head. You need help!!!

Perhaps I should have ignored her and not give her the satisfaction but she seriously seriously needs her head bashed against a wall. Who needs friends when they turn round and shit all over you. Why is it always me? I admit I was a horrible person years ago (but only to one person and she completely deserved it...everyone agrees it's just I was the only one with balls to do anything about it) but I’ve been trying so hard these past few years to prove myself as a friend to everyone and to make up for my year of being a bitch to the girl who deserved it and I still get treated like a piece of crap. Part of me wants our mutual friends to rally round and gang up on G and cut her out of their lives like my little army of saviours but I know that’s selfish of me but I always end up dealing with this shit by myself because no-one wants to get involved and rock the boat.

In a few weeks this will all be forgotten and she’ll be back to best friends with everyone but I will not forget so easily. The old me would never let her speak to me like, would have seeked revenge and probably done some very silly and immature things in retaliation that but I’m now the new improved me and it seems like the new improved me is a bit of a walk over.

Who needs friend when you have enemies?!

*and yes I am fully aware that I have not blocked out her name in the picture. Google her and see what you find in the newspapers....it's all true and it makes for interesting reading!

Expectations

2010-09-01T14:18:00.005+01:00

Monday morning wake up knowing that you’ve got to go to school
Tell your mum what to expect, she said it's right out of the blue
Do you want to work in Debenhams, because that’s what they expect
Start in lingerie, and Doris is your supervisor

And the head said that you always were a queer one from the start
For careers you say you want to be remembered for your art
Your obsessions get you known throughout the school for being strange
Making life-size models of The Velvet Underground in clay

In the queue for lunch they take the piss, you’ve got no appetite
And the rumor is you never go with boys and you are tight
So they jab you with a fork, you drop the tray and go berserk
While your cleaning up the mess the teacher is looking up your skirt

Hey, you’ve been used
Are you calm? settle down
Write a song, Ill sing along
Soon you will know that you are sane
You’re on top of the world again

Monday morning wake up knowing that you’ve got to go to school
Tell your mum what to expect, she said it's right out of the blue
Do you want to work in C&A, cause that’s what they expect
Move to lingerie and take a feel off Joe the store man

Tell Veronica the secrets of the boy you never kissed
She’s got everything to gain cause she’s a fat girl with a lisp
She sticks up for you when you get aggravation from the snobs
cause you cant afford a blazer, girl you’re always wearing clogs

At the interval you lock yourself away inside a room
Head of English gets you, asks you, what the hell do you think you’re doing?
Do you think you’re better then the other kids? well get outside.
You’ve got permission, but you’ve got to make the bastard think he’s right

Hey, you’ve been used
Write a song, Ill sing along
Are you calm? settle down
Soon you will know that you are sane
You’re on top of the world again

Are you cool, and you know
You’re a star and you’ll go far
Think of me as a friend
Not just a boy who’s playing guitar
You’re on top of the world again

Belle & Sebastian

Is There Such Thing As The Perfect Marriage?

2010-08-27T11:55:00.000+01:00

We all have the same fairytale dream ending of our relationships; the big white wedding, settling down with a few furry four legged friends and 2.5 kids and living happily ever after in an easy, perfect blissful state of marriage. But what no one ever tells you on your big day is that marriage is something that you continuously need to work at and sometimes no matter how happy you are before the marriage after the ceremony is over the itch can set in once you are back to the normal routine of dirty pants being left on the bathroom floor, dirty dishes and bills to pay.

With the pressure put on married couples to live up to the perfect ideology plus the pressures of the real world is it any wonder that two in five British marriages end in divorce? Shockingly the highest rate in Europe, costing the British tax payer an estimated £15 billion a year.

Professor Charles Hill of Whittier College in Los Angeles analysed the relationships of 231 couples from a Boston college over a period of 25 years, and found that the five basic, almost simplistic, rules for achieving marital success are:

• Don't pick up people from bars

• Don't date anyone much prettier or uglier than yourself

• Choose someone your own age

• Try to go for someone of roughly the same intelligence

• Have sex often with this one partner

Professor Hill claims that those who followed these rules appeared most likely to have high self-esteem and a good and stable long relationship, long-term. Simple rules to follow but these may not suit every circumstance. Who is to say that couples with a large age gap or couples on different scales of what is deemed attractive can not make a success of their marriage?

When you say your vows you are proclaiming to the world that you are two people very much in love and are making a commitment for the rest of your life, but many of us may set foot into marriage with a blinkered view of what will entail after the confetti has vanished and the wedding dress has been boxed up? For the majority of us settling off along this path we are already living with our partners so we know all of their dirty little habits, annoying quirks and sordid little secrets but for many they assume that walking down the aisle suddenly diminishes these; that as soon as the ring is on all of the annoyances will disappear?

Far too many people look to the relationships of others, in the media or elsewhere, to compare their own to and then unnecessarily concern themselves that their relationship is falling short of what it’s supposed to be doing so to ether confirm, normalise or highlight their own marriage problems. I myself have been guilty of this.

What we all must remember is that there is no such things as a ‘perfect marriage’. If there is no such thing as a perfect person how can there be a marriage without problems, blips and quirks if marriage involves two ‘imperfect’ people? Answer: it can’t! Marriage is one of the most rewarding experiences two people can have, it binds you for life, but it, like so many other things in life, does not sail along smoothly without a certain degree of work, effort and understanding.

I bet most of us know of a marriage or in turn relationship that looks perfect to the outside world. They never seem to fight, they display affection like a couple of adolescence teenagers, they work together in perfect harmony and a glow of domestic bliss surrounds them. It’s not to assume that they aren’t deliriously happy but it would be a mistake to assume that what you see happens 24-7 and that they never have their ‘moments’.

We only need to look at Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston to see that even the strongest of couples go through testing times. To the outside world their marriage looked perfect; two of the world’s most beautiful people in a wedded state of matrimonial bliss but along the line things must have happened behind closed doors. Proof to us all that we really should not compare our marriage to that of others. What works for one couple may not work for another.

Another problem with comparing what you have to that of others is that it doesn’t take into account the individual differences in the personalities of those involved and their individual circumstances. When you compare your relationship to that of others you run the risk of loosing sight of all of the special qualities you and your partner have and all of the things that drew you together in the first place.

The reality is that all couples can experience periods of difficulty. Marriages can be hard work. If you are susceptible to feeling disappointed when your marriage isn’t seemingly perfect there are a few things you fundamentally must remember:

Marriage is a ‘nuts and bolts ‘ arrangement. The reality of marriage is that sometimes it's just a day to day grind; you may be tense, on edge, bored, not happy with the other one, or not feel so warm and fuzzy. It's not all about your feelings. It's about your commitment to one another. Whether or not you "feel" like you're in love, "feel" you're getting your needs met the reality is, you have sworn a vow to one another. A lot of the time, the reality is that marriage isn't romantic at all - it's about teamwork and getting the job done every single day.

Perhaps the best advice comes from author John Steinbeck who said

“A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it.”

We can all learn a lot if we sit back and enjoy the ride and understand that what works for some may not work for others but with a little understanding and patience we can ride the blips out.

Review: 2000trees Music Festival

2010-08-23T13:29:00.000+01:00

July marked the fourth 2000trees Music Festival. Located on a farm in deepest, greenest Gloucestershire this truly was a green festival all the way and unlike some of the larger mainstream festivals, this small contender was all about the music!

The bijou festival, a highlight of the counties music festival goers summer music schedule was started “as a reaction to the mainstream music festivals and their ever spiralling ticket prices, poor facilities and pursuit of profit at all costs” and it delivered yet again on all counts.

Gone are the unhealthy greasy food offerings, the horrendously expensive ticket prices and the disgusting toilets and in its place was a friendly, intimate, healthy (well depending on how much you ate and drink…too much of anything is never good) and very clean festival.

Aside from the pocket friendly ticket prices for the weekend, atmosphere has to be one of the next most important things to come top of any festival goers list, and 2000trees has this in abundance - but without the shifty loud undesirables you may find at larger festivals.

For example, there aren't any ticket touts hassling you at the entrance, your own alcohol is not confiscated for the pockets of the security ((although glass is not allowed in the main areas), the setting is gorgeous as it's all rolling hills and green field, and the people have to be the friendliest at any festival. There isn't a chance of you being a Billy-no-mates here - loose your friends and in the five minutes it will take to find them again you will have become Billy-has-a-million-mates.

How many times have you been to a festival only to be met with litter strewn walkways, disgusting toilets not even worthy of a prison camp and a lack of recycling facilities? In 2008 2000trees joined the likes of Glastonbury and Latitude Festivals in winning the "A Greener Festival" award. According to A GreenerFestival.com:

"All the award winners have demonstrated the ability to promote environmental efficiency and sustainability and that they have coherent green policies covering greenhouse gas emissions, traffic and transport, waste management, recycling, protecting the environment and water management."

Something that the larger festivals could learn a thing or two from.

2000trees is first and foremost about the music; new music, exciting music, music that transcends genres and trends. Music that is meant to be discovered and enjoyed for possibly the first time. I went yet again not having heard of most of the bands playing and left feeling like I’d discovered some amazing finds. Bands I want to keep all for myself and not share because I want to keep them as my guilty little listening secrets only for my own audible pleasure. Bands like Cats and Cats and Cats who Radio 1’s Steve Lamacq refreshingly described as “Cats are gorgeous...in a ferocious kind of way" and the energetic Errors who would stereotypically not look out of place in Oxford Universities Maths club who had me up and dancing in my Hunters.

Other bands included: the powerful threesome of The Subways headlining a festival for the first time, the amazingly beautiful poetic Johnny Flynn & The Sussex Wit and the haunting melodic Bombay Bicycle Club not to mention the whole host of brilliant and mesmerising bands and artists.

Add in a cool, hippy vibe reminiscent of a smaller scale Glastonbury (without the crowds) and an abundance of food stalls selling mainly vegetarian food (always a massive plus for me), the fancy dress (have you ever been in a field surrounded by people dressed as animals….no?) and you are onto a winner.

The only gripe is that is it all over far too soon lasting only two nights. If they manage to spread it out over three next year then it may possibly beat the bigger boys in the game to be the accolade of being the best festival in the UK!

For tickets to next years’ festival visit: http://www.twothousandtreesfestival.co.uk/

Image via Steve Otts Tumblr

The Hills = Scripted, But Do We Care?

2010-08-23T13:12:00.001+01:00

Unless you’ve been living under a rock in the Himalayas the past few weeks you will have probably been one of the millions of fans glued to their screens watching ‘The Hill’s finale on MTV on Sunday. Yes MTV’s most popular show The Hills has finally ended after six seasons of bitch fights, broken hearts and fabulous fun in La La Land.

As the curtain closed on the final ever episode we were greeted in the final moments by the bitch-we-all-love-to-hate Kristin Cavallari about to drive away on a busy LA street to “find herself” in Europe leaving behind her ex flame Brody Jenner. But as the cameras panned out we saw that the Hollywood sign behind Jenner was just that, a back drop, and as it moved away we saw that they were in fact in a filming lot surrounded by cameras and crew made scenery.

Was this how all of The Hills had been filmed or were the shows producers cleverly lifting the lid in a tongue-in-cheek way by confirming what we had all know all along: the show was less real than Speidi loosing their marbles and as scripted as any daytime soap opera. Even the ‘stars’ of the show themselves have admitted that it is up to the fans to decide what is real and what is not......................

Bitch Please...

2010-08-17T16:11:00.001+01:00

There are a few times in life when you realise that being a woman comes with certain territory; mainly that women can be bitches. Being the ‘fairer’ sex and prone to bouts of paranoia and sensitivity really is not a good mix. Perhaps it’s our desire to always show ourselves as the best and to do better than others, to be seen as more than the ‘little woman’ inside baking and making our house homely (though I confess that making my house homely is my one aim on life..with a mortgage and a house this is now becoming a reality) than means that we walk all over others and create our little clichés bitching about everyone else on the outside.

Lately my womanly characteristics of paranoia and sensitivity have been out in full force. I have been feeling that I am making all of the effort with my female friends in my real life and not getting anything back. I’m feeling left out and wondering why I bother. People I thought I was close too appear to not feel the same way about me. Then in my virtual life I’m plagued with feelings of insecurity on my part and jealousy being directed towards me from others. I feel left out of a little clique that has developed. I don’t want part of that so I’m letting them get on with that and moving on. I don’t need friends like that behind a computer screen or in front of it.

Today I found that I’m the only person in the office not to be invited to a colleagues wedding. A colleague I thought that I was close to and someone who I invited to mine (yes I know that just because she came to mine doesn’t mean she has to invite me to hers. I realise that we’re not 10years old). She’s a lovely girl so she would not have done it to be bitchy but it makes me wonder if I smell or if I’m really such a good friend I think I am as ultimately I’m always the one who gets left out so this is why I tend to keep girls at a close length. We have talked about her plans daily; the table decorations, her dress, the venue. I should not have assumed I was invited but I did. I have been played too many times in the past by girls, and ultimately this is why I find myself hanging out with the lads and don't have a single close female friend. Boys tell you straight. I like that. Girls however will bitch about you behind your back until you break.

Maybe it’s time for me to start telling it straight but then I’ve said numerous times now that I don’t want any more drama in my life. Maybe though the reason girls seem to dislike me is because I am a bitch (I was a huge cow in the past I can admit but people can change)? You really can’t win sometimes.

I am a bag lady.....

2010-08-11T14:40:00.000+01:00

They say that you can tell a lot about a woman from the contents her bag; clean and tidy = neat freak, dirty and messy = well men you might be onto a winner there. We all love a nose in a ladies bag! (though men you may want to stop reading now…ladies bags tend to contain, well ladies things not privy to a mans eyes) so I thought what the hell, I’ll let you into a little secret….the contents of my bag! Laying it all out in front of me makes me feel even more of a bag lady than before...do i really need to carry all this stuff around with me?

Bag: Well it’s just a bag isn’t it…a very big bag. I like to carry my kitchen sink around with me
Keys: says it all really....my keys. Car key, front and backdoor house keys, work door fob (can’t get in or out any doors without this baby), mums front door key and my pink swiss army knife….every survival expert needs a nail tile, tweezers and toothpick at their disposal..how do you think Bear Grylls picks the raw flesh from this teeth after he’s hunted down an animal whilst wearing his moose carcass!

My Phones: Unfortunately I don’t carry 2 phones because of my impressive friends list. It is because like an idiot I got drunk and took out a 36 months contract on my old phone last year…I do not remember this but apparently I did. I have my shiny new white Blackberry Bold 9700…I LOVE this more than words can say; I’ve only had it since Thursday and it has not left my side much to the annoyance of Mr W and it has turned me into even more of an internet obsessed geek. If I could divorce Mr W and marry my Blackberry instead I would, only it may not give me such a thrill! I also still have my old Samsung something or other…I’m still in contract for another 24 months and despite me telling all my friends my number has changed they are still texting me on this so I suspect I’ll be carrying 2 phones around like a yuppie for a while yet.

My notebooks: I am a lister and a ‘to do’er.. I am constantly making lists and writing to do lists so I have 1 notebook for this…(as well as me emailing myself constantly reminding myself to do things..like ‘breathe’, ‘eat’ ‘have a wee etc) and I have the big purple one for writing down blog ideas and posts.

My Filofax: Have I mention that I’m EXTREMELY organised and anal?

Umbrella: I’m In England. No explanation needed

My HUGE wallet: that is unfortunately not full of money..just lots of rubbish loyalty cards and money of coupons, oh and my oyster card even though I’m hardly ever in London…ever. I just like to pretend I’m a high flying city goer.

My moo mini business cards: just in case…You never know who you might bump into (thought in the middle of the countryside anyone remotely famous or network worthy is unlikely to pop up anytime soon)

My camera and lead: I have 3 cameras..this is the one I carry around with me ‘just in case’. It must be one of the first digital cameras ever and about 6yrs old and although the digital screen is as small as a stamp (though one of those big stamps) it’s better quality than the last digital camera I had.

My glasses: Without these on I squint like loon whilst driving in the dark and am likely to hit a bmw driver..not that that would be a bad thing now.

2 packets of tissues: What can I say, I am a leaky person

Make up Bag: containing……makeup..nothing terribly interesting and containing too many lip products. 9 at last count...shocking! I never do touch ups so it’s a bit pointless carrying it round with me really but it makes me feel girly.

My ‘lady’ bag: mooncup (though I’m not currently able to take a picture of that..ah hem), hairspray, body spray (makes me smell like a teenager), dry shampoo, lady wipes (ladies, you should always keep your tallulah fresh and clean, you never know when she may be on an outing), hayfever tablets, hand sanitizer (I pick up dog poo daily.,..enough said) and my coca butter. I could sniff this all day long, but then I’d be a little odd so I don’t. But I think about it on a regular basis.

Mints x 2:

So, I want to see what’s in your bags!!! Don’t be shy….men, this includes you too!!

What does my bag tell you about me?

Major Girl Crush....

2010-08-11T12:10:00.000+01:00

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley is a Godess!!!

Why I Won't Be Having Children. Ever.

2010-08-10T15:04:00.001+01:00

What happens when you go against mother nature and all her plans? When you look her straight in the face and tell her that you don’t want to be part of her grand master plan, her path for you, your entire purpose of being on this planet in the first place? What happens when you slap her hard in the face and scream her that you will be choosing your own path, doing your own thing and not doing something she considers ‘natural’?

I do not want babies. Ever.

Telling people, as a married 20-something woman, that I do not want children, ever (and I make my point that the ‘ever’ really does mean ‘ever’), is met with shocked faces, looks of disgust and leaves me feeling as if I have some vile disease. It would be met with better reactions if I told people I had a horrible contagious air borne sexually transmitted infection likely to render them blind, deaf and dumb with the body of Vanessa Feltz and the head of a blowfish……………..

RANT OF THE WEEK: Pet Insurance

2010-08-05T18:09:00.001+01:00

I have 3.5 animals (the fish don’t count as whole pets they don’t actually do anything so they are 0.5 pets). I’ve always planned everything down to a t which is why I took out dog insurance and cat insurance incase anything went wrong. Why then do so many people not do this? It only costs a small amount each month and your animal is covered for vet bills. I really really cannot understand how any responsible pet owner does not do this most important of tasks.

Bodie has been ill since we got him with diarrhoea, weight loss and general other nasty stuff. He’s been back and forth to the vets and so far it’s cost a small fortune. If I didn’t have insurance I’d be absolutely buggered and my credit card would have been completely maxed out….I would then be well and truly off my bank managers Christmas card list!

Winston cost me an even bigger fortune when we got him but again thank God he was insured even though the culprit of his allergies turned out to be Mr W spraying furniture polish all over the house thinking it was air freshener which Winston turned out to be allergic to.

Lola had ringworm and again would have cost me a small fortune not to mention the various rabbit injuries I have to claim for when I had my 4 furry friends (they were always getting into scrapes.

The evil family I had to rescue kittens from last year had some more kittens this year. One of them broke is leg (I daren’t know why) and because they didn’t have it insured they had to have the poor kitten put down. Idiots.

Get a pet, take out insurance…simple!!!

Crack Addict

2010-08-04T10:50:00.003+01:00

I gave in and upgraded my phone to a crackberry by justifying it to myself that it's better for work purposes. The iphone was just too expensive for a load of fancy applications I'd never use, a camera I'd never use and a built in ipod..when I love my classic ipod and prefer to keep it separate...so the blackberry it was.

One pain in the arse is that I thought I only had 6 months left on my existing contract but oh I have 24 months left....wtf!! I must have been drunk when I took out my last contract and I ended up with a substandard phone too.I must be a phone companies dream customer.

So far I have managed to sync 2 email accounts with my crackberry...a feat I am most impressed with...although I feel like my mother on her computer trying to successfully type out a message on it. The buttons are all in the wrong place.

I'm moving AGAIN.....

2010-08-03T19:34:00.000+01:00

In a few days my blog address will be changing to www.theworldaccordingtomissh.blogpost.com

so if you don't want to loose me, add it to your reader!

(it's all part of some master plan.....no idea what though!)

7 Years Ago......

2010-08-03T11:49:00.000+01:00

......I sat as a juror on the rape trial of an 11year old girl by her 47 year old brother in law. This month would be the month he would be eligible for parole after being sentenced to ‘life’. ‘Life’ unfortunately really does not mean life anymore.

I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it all day; how he not only ruined the life of the young girl but also of her family, his family and his children.

Sex beast x received an automatic life sentence when a jury convicted him of raping a 13-year-old girl 11 years after he was jailed for a similar offence.

It will be Summer 2010 before x, 47, is even considered for parole - and if he is ever allowed out of jail he will be at risk of a recall for the rest of his life.

x, received the mandatory life sentence at x crown court because it was the second time he has been convicted of rape.

After delivering their verdict, jurors gasped when they heard how x was convicted at x crown court in 1992 of the rape, imprisonment and buggery of a woman in a six-hour ordeal.

The father-of-four snarled with anger as Judge x QC sentenced him to at least five and a half years.

"You raped a 13-year-old girl for your own sexual gratification," said the judge.

You raped her whilst your girlfriend slept in the room next door.

You have shown no remorse.

And this is not the first time you have been convicted of rape. You are quite clearly a danger to the public and to women in particular."

Judge x said that by law he had to state the sentence he would have passed had X not qualified for a mandatory life term.

This, he said, would have been 12 years which would have been halved with remission. X would in fact only have had to spend 5yrs 6 months in custody because of the time he had been behind bars on remand.

Therefore, said the judge, it would be five and a half years before he could be considered for parole.

The jury ruled him not guilty on one count of rape but guilty of a second.

Earlier in the trial he admitted two charges of unlawful sexual intercourse with a minor.

The judge also fined X £2,434 (pounds) - the prosecution costs from a previous case in which he was convicted of supplying cannabis and possessing cocaine.

Earlier in the year police found £3.5kg - £9,000 (pounds) worth - of cannabis at X's home. He persisted in claiming he was not a commercial dealer.

During the trial x told the jury the girl had been a willing sexual partner who flirted with him for weeks before they had sex.

x said he had consensual sex with the girl after she 'offered herself' to him.

"She would rub her t**s up against my arm, that sort of thing," said x

"She was rubbing up against me, sort of offering herself to me”

* Before the trial began x had been formally acquitted of a separate allegation of rape made by a woman. The prosecution had offered no evidence on that charge.

She was 11years old!!! 11 years old for God sakes and he was a grown man of 47!! The sad thing was that his partner, the young girls older sister, stuck with him as he was a ‘kind , caring family man’ not capable of rape. The ‘man’ (and I say that term loosely) didn’t even know the dates of his 4 children’s birthdays and had no clue of their middle names. This is man who had previous convictions for rape, imprisonment and buggery and drugs convictions…a really nice man to start a family with I'm sure you'll agree.

Shockingly we had to return a not guilty verdict on the second charge of rape of a minor because a couple of the older women jurors (both of whom did not have children themselves and who had been heavily influence by wrongly reported images of sexually active young girls on the television) thought that the girl had asked for it and was probably a bit of a slut because she went back to his house (her old sisters house..lets not forget she was 11years old at the time of the rapes) a second time after the first rape took place. I will NEVER forgive those women. I will also never forget the prosecutors making out that the 11year old girl was lying, was a slut and asked for it. There is something very wrong with the criminal court and I hope the lawyer can live with themselves defending such a monster. What would they had done had he been let off all charges knowing themselves full well that he was guilty? Greedily counted the large sums of money in their pockets I suspect.

I just hope that he received in prison what he had given out to all of the women and young girls he had raped a million times over. We all know how much fellow prisoners love a sex offender

Prison was far too good for him. I hope he rots in hell!

Undercover

2010-07-29T17:57:00.000+01:00

Sometimes the stupidity of others amazes me.

On the way home from work today a woman was behind me in her car all the way from the motorway into the town centre....yapping away on her fucking mobile phone.

Completely oblivious to EVERYTHING around her she narrowly avoided hitting a cyclist and nearly went into the back of me a few times so I decided to shit her up a little...she deserved it!

Pulling up alongside me in the next lane at a roundabout still yapping away I beeped my horn at her (for a bloody long time) to get her attention, made a mobile phone signal and flashed by oyster card at her.

She promptly looked shocked and dropped her phone thinking she;s been caught by a policewoman (as if an undercover police officer would drive a battered Peugeot 306..dozy mare)

And I drove home with a smile on my face!

Bitchin in the Kitchen

2010-07-29T12:59:00.002+01:00

I am a lazy cook it has to be said. Mr W loves cooking so he tends to cook the majority of the meals and when he isn't at home and I am forced to cook myself my cooking expertise tends to be pasta bake or pasta and cheese or just cheese…anything I can bung in the oven or hob and forget about. What’s the point in spending ages cooking a meal for one? However Wednesdays have now become ‘Hannah Wednesdays’…the 1 day of the week when I actually cook and you know what..I’m bloody good at it! I have discovered a hidden talent. However with cooking comes the inevitable mess and washing up..everything good must have a bad. Ying & Yang.

This curry recipe I’ve cooked a few times now and Mr W and our friend have given it a 9.5/10 on their taste test which is pretty damn good considering it’s a vegetarian recipe and they are all carnovores. It’s really easy to cook and it’s bloody delicious so I thought I’d share it with you good people……..

Malaysian Rendang Coconut & Tofu Curry

2 x 160g packs Cauldron Marinated Tofu Pieces

3 tbsp desiccated coconut

2 cloves garlic

6 shallots or 1 onion, sliced

2 lemongrass stalks, peeled and sliced

2-3 fresh chillis, depending on your personal heat preference

2 tbsp fresh ginger, grated

1 tsp turmeric

1 tsp salt

1 tsp sugar

250ml tin coconut milk

125ml water

1 tsp tamarind pulp, dissolved in 1 tbsp water

4 star anise

1 cinnamon stick

2 tbsp fresh coriander, roughly chopped, plus extra to garnish

Heat a dry frying pan, add the desiccated coconut and toast until lightly golden.
Grind or blend together the toasted coconut, garlic, shallots or onion, lemongrass, chillis, ginger, turmeric, salt and sugar to make a paste.
Heat the oil in a heavy based frying pan. Add the paste and cook for 5 minutes, stirring until fragrant.
Add the coconut milk to the pan along with 125ml water, the tamarind water, star anise and cinnamon stick and bring to the boil stirring consistently.
Reduce the heat and simmer gently for a further 5 minutes. Then add the marinated Tofu pieces and continue to cook gently for another 10 minutes. Stir in the chopped coriander.
To serve, garnish with more fresh coriander. Delicious served with steamed rice or noodles and chilli fried spinach.

Enjoy!

Desperate to Pull

2010-07-22T21:29:00.001+01:00

If you’d have tuned in on Friday to Channel 4’s documentary “Girls on the Pull” expecting to see a group of girls out on the town being subjected to cheesy chat up lines by a bunch of lads you’d have been sorely disappointed. Instead you would have been greeted by three women talking very bravely and honestly about their compulsion to pull out their hair.

Trichotillomania or TTM is a compulsive disorder defined as "hair loss from a patient's repetitive self-pulling of hair" affecting around 2% of the population and with most sufferers being women. The documentary followed the three women, with varying severities of the condition, as they learnt to cope, live with and ultimately curb their compulsion.

The effects of pulling can vary from un-noticeable to complete hair-loss, the disorder can also affect self-esteem and lifestyle. Some people eat part or all of the hair, stroke, count, store or fiddle with the hair after pulling. A large percentage of the population still do not understand what trichotillomania is; the difficulties which the condition presents or how best to help. TTM is not always an obvious disorder; it is often hidden and so as a result, people with TTM have to overcome numerous barriers to get treatment and support.

Being a sufferer myself means that I understand how debilitating it can be. It’s often something that sufferers feel unable to talk about both with friends or their GP and so it largely goes unnoticed as depending on the severity it can easily be hidden by wearing hats or just clever hair styling. Many sufferers like myself will have become masters at hiding the severity of their hair loss for fear of ridicule...............

Dress Me!

2010-07-20T21:54:00.000+01:00

I have the wedding of one of my old male housemates to go to in a few weeks and am stuck for what to wear. I have wardrobe full of beautiful dresses but have worn them all to death and to other weddings so I don't feel I can wear them again. Unfortunately despite being paid today I'm still out of pocket as have had to spend a small fortune on vets bills over the past month and I'm still waiting for my pet insurance claim to be finalised plus I've chopped up my credit card so my only option is to get a dress from ebay as my credit card is still cunningly linked into my paypal. Whoops :)

These are the dresses I've found so far....any favourites or any other suggestions (you can see that there is a bit of a coral theme going on)

Top: H&M, H&M, a cheap non brand

Middle: Jane Norman. Karen Millen, H&M

Bottom: Warehouse

MUSIC SUNDAY (2000 Trees Highlights)

2010-07-19T12:31:00.002+01:00

I spent my weekend at 2,000 Trees festival where music prioritises over the commercial gains. Great music, great food and great people...all in all the best festival experience I have had yet again. Four years going now and it's still a bloody great festival!

In The Beginning: - 2000trees started as a reaction to the mainstream music festivals and their ever spiralling ticket prices, poor facilities and pursuit of profit at all costs.
Most Importantly: - 2000trees is about music. New music. Exciting music. Your faith in British music shall be restored! There are no genre distinctions (although most of the bands do tend to hold guitars), just great great music.
Almost as important: - In no particular order, a friendly and intimate atmosphere, high quality (but reasonably priced) food and drink, cheap ticket prices and keeping things as green as possible.

Errors
Errors are signed to the Rock Action record label of their mentors, Mogwai, but don't confuse this Glasgow four piece as mere copycats, for while Mogwai's prog tends to lean in a rock direction, Errors are all about their own unique taste on dance music. And, over the years, they've honed their sound to expertly release a fusion of the organic and the electronic, creating bold instrumental music that leaves enough room for nuance and conveys a tinge of dark humour without the need for words. Ultimately they're dedicated to unveiling ever more intricate ways to make you shake a leg.

They Say: Electronica, Indie, Melodramatic Popular SongThe Press Says doing it better than anyone else; raver than Foals, more fun that Fuck Buttons and flexing more post-hardcore muscle than Metronomy. NME
For fans of: Mogwai, Metromony, Foals

Cats and Cats and Cats
Cats and Cats and Cats are a band clearly forging their own path, regardless of scenes or trends and they have as many surprises up their collective sleeves as they do tunes. Violin and trumpet echo one minute followed by atmospheric, mathy guitars the next. As Radio 1's Steve Lamacq quite nicely put it "Cats are gorgeous...in a ferocious kind of way".

They Say: Indie/Experimental
For Fans of: Arcade Fire, Mew

Skeletons andThe Empty Pockets

Any band that claims to have met at a Karate lesson and bonded over a shared love of Minnie Riperton, Michael Jackson and Slayer deserves your attention. Skeletons and The Empty Pockets (formally thisGIRL) play an energetic brand of pop-rock packed with foot-stomping beats and sing-a-long choruses. They inject 10,000 volts into any building – or field – they enter, leaving the hairs on the back of your neck not only raised, but singed to the bone. Ones to watch.

They Say: Blues/Rock/Pop

The Press Says: Tremendous vocals and driving riffage – great stuff. Rocksound

For Fans of: Queens of the Stone Age, Wolfmother

Three Trapped Tigers
Ignore this. Seriously, don’t read this. Trying to describe Three Trapped Tigers is like describing the difference between the main politician parties - i.e difficult. Three Trapped Tigers are as mad as a bag of spanners. Duelling Nintendo-style synths, textural electronics, death improve, visceral guitar slashes! This my friend is the end of music as we know it and the start of something dazzlingly fresh.

They Say:                  Other
The Press Says:       Twinkles and booms like a star being born. …this feels like being hugged by a computerized God. NME
For Fans Of:              Aphex Twin, Battles

Johnny Flynn and The Sussex Wit
Born in Johannesburg, but growing up in sunny Hampshire, Flynn knew what he wanted to do with his life ever since discovering a copy of The Freewheelin’ Bob Dylan in a junk shop, ages 13. He wanted to write poetic, lyrical songs that would take the listener on a journey. Lovingly crafted, nu-folk musings about good ‘ole England, and bluesy tunes that resonate to the sounds of cello., violin, mandolin and flute. Beautiful.

They Say:                  Folk
The Press Says        A masterpiece in pastoral British folk. The Independent
For Fans of:              Mumford and Sons, Laura Marling

Bombay Bicycle Club
Listening to Bombay Bicycle Club’s ‘I Had The Blues But I shook Them Loose’ debut album, is an immensely enjoyable experience, but nothing compares to seeing them playing live in the flesh, Their ardour and zeal for performance makes the experience so intense and worthwhile; they are a band crafted for live shows through and through, because only then do you see their energy ad devotion to music and frontman Jack Steadman writhes and jerks around in a trance-like state, giving himself to the song. And it’s Steadman that is the true star of the show here, taking the band’s tight-as-fuck indie-punk and layering his bittersweet, trembling, other-worldly vocals over he top. He’s a truly unique star.

They Say:                  Indie/Alternative/Rock
The Press Says:       Sonic assaults thick with emotional turmoil….one of the best alums of 2009. NME
For Fans of:              My Bloody Valentine, Interpol, The Maccabees

The Subways
The Subways are all about the power and the glory of three chords, distortion pedals and melodies to die for. It’s been a long adventure for the Welwyn Garden City trip since they emerged fresh-aced and exuberant with their cracking 2005 debut album ‘Young for Eternity’. While their teenage years are still recently behind them, they’ve already experienced more than moist bands endure in an entire career. Five, yes five, consecutive Reading and Leeds Festivals plus appearances at Glastonbury and T in the Pak, mean that over the years they’ve got this rocking-a-festival lark down to a T.

They say: Garage/Rock/Indie

The Press Says: The best UK rock album of the year. NME
For Fans of: Foo Fighters, Ash, Oasis

Fancy Dress Any Time Any Place

2010-07-18T21:48:00.001+01:00

So you don’t dress up for Halloween or birthdays or any other occasion at the drop of a hat - why the hell not? Do you not like to have fun or are you just a bit boring? If you’re a librarian or a maths teacher or a member of the grey army I’d understand, but if you’re reading this you’re probably not any of those. One day we’ll all get old and dressing up in fancy dress would render you senile and get you put on the fast track to an old peoples home so you might as well make the most of it while you can.

Remember when you were younger and the prospect of dressing up as your favourite cartoon or book character filled you with excitement. For those few precious moments you were transported to a world of fantasy and escapism where unlike reality you didn’t have homework to do or a nagging parents or annoying siblings to content with. You were free to be whoever or whatever you wanted.

Then you grew up, got a job and spent the rest of your life wearing stuffy grey and black corporate suits yet again with work to do and the nagging person (this time your boss) and only brought out the fancy dress on drunken nights out.

On the weekends out comes the menagerie of ‘sexy’ santa outfits, the ‘sexy’ pirate outfits, the ‘sexy’ cowgirl outfits... pretty much take any dodgy seen a zillion people wear it costume and insert the word ‘sexy’ before it and there you have the popular hen/birthday/leaving/any excuse fancy dress outfit. Hardly living the childhood fantasy. Plus, the next morning you wake up with the fishnet tights ripped (why does every female fancy dress outfit involve fishnets?) and covered in spilled drink and vomit and you never do get your deposit back.

So, why not then get into it completely, like Tiger Woods REALLY got into his ‘sex addiction’. Imagine then if you could spend the whole weekend dressed up living the dream, quite literally. The dream of being a different person. Dusting off those corporate cobwebs, the everyday boring life and your every so annoying kids, annoying pets and even more annoying partner and can live in your fantasy for a whole week.

For example, I spent last weekend in a field with 2,000 people dressed up in medieval costumes running round re-enacting a battle (this was all serious business mind. None of your homemade costumes allowed. No, these enthusiast take their costumes seriously). We had buxom wenches, knights in armour, lepers. If you can name it there would have been someone there dressed up, and boy did they know they looked good!

After everyone has gotten rather drunk on mead and fruit wine everyone moved onto another field where the men dressed in their best armour re-enact the battle of my home town in 1471. I like to think that their conversations went a little like this:

"Oh hi, Dave. Didn’t recognise you there under your helmet. It’s me Gerald."

clink, chink go their swords

"Hi Gerald, sorry I didn't recognised you with your helmet on. Haven't seen you since last years battle"

clink, clink

"That's alright Dave. How are the wife and kids?"

clink, clink

"Great thanks. Little Jimmy is over there playing a leper. Do you want to die this time or shall I?"

clink, clink

"Do you mind if I kill you this time? I have new velvet trousers on and the misses will be annoyed if she has to wash grass stains out of them"

When else apart from when in fancy dress would you normally have the opportunity to sit next to Marge Simpson or share the bathroom with a windmill? T|here will never an acceptable, normal social situation to wear your pants over your trousers. so make the most if it. The world will be a much better place for it.

BitchBuzz

2010-07-18T17:28:00.001+01:00

I'm still here....now writing for BitchBuzz the fab women's online mag so if you fancy a gander...go head over

Grey Army

2010-07-09T01:00:00.000+01:00

Dear Grey Army Brigade

I love you all I really do. I don’t have any grandparents so would like to think of you all as my substitute ones even if you can be a little grumpy at time. I can forgive a little grumpiness. Hell you helped us in our war efforts, brought up our parents (even those of you with ones who turned out to be less than savoury). You are responsible for single handily keeping Worthers Originals in profit. I can forgive you queuing outside the supermarket at 7am waiting for it to open, you again queuing in the Post Office to send your letters and collect your pension whenever I choose to go at the same time in a hurry. I can even forgive you dithering about with the card machines and the shouting as you forget to turn your hearing aid up. One day I will be dithery and rickety and discuss my ailments too….however what I cannot forgive is your most heinous of crimes…..your diving!

Take for example this morning on my way to work where one of your brigade decided that he would try to join the motorway at 40mph!! 40mph!!! I bet he thought he was going really fast by the look of his hands deathly gripping the steering wheel whilst lorries swerved into the middle lane to get out of his way and the cars behind him, me included, had to break sharply for fear of crashing into said lorries. He however seemed oblivious to this. I do not fancy being a road pizza anytime soon thank you.

Take for example the old lady in my town who hit the reverse peddle instead of accelerating at the garage and flew backwards into a petrol pump flipping her car 3 times and setting the place on fire.

Or the chap who got confused and drove the wrong way down the motorway a few months ago. I saw him and I was scared, just think what the incident did to the poor old caps dicky heart.

Or take the confused 89 year old gentleman who pulled out in front of me & Mr W crashing into us on the day that we collected our wedding rings, 2 months before our wedding causing us to then crash head first into a wall and rendering me in absolute agony for months and in and out of hospital. Our car was a write off but at least I did get some nice compensation money which was handy 2 just before the wedding even if we didn’t have a car for a while and had to bus it. That in itself should be cause for compensation alone! You all have free bus passes, take advantage of them. The poor old chap ended up having his licence revoked and he totalled his lovely Mercedes in the process because he probably wanted to drive his lovely new car around town. Not so lovely afterwards was it.

I know you like to be independent but buses are a modern form of transport these days. Just think of all the petrol money you’ll be saving. You can get on with all your friends and have a lovely old natter without having to worry about us youngsters on the road.

It’s time to take out your feet up and relax and let others do the driving for a change and let us youngsters on the road have our time.

And if you don’t want your bus pass I’ll gladly take it off your hands....until you're all safely on the bus and I can drive again in peace.

Love

Ball and Chain

2010-07-08T01:00:00.001+01:00

Sometimes being a wife you inevitably become a walking generalisation …a ‘ball and chain’, the ‘nagging wife’..the one who spoils your spouses fun. This week I have become all of those things….

I completed Mr W’s tax return for him last month because he is far too lazy and hates forms and I am a bit sad and love numbers and forms and look after all of our finances (we split bills but I do all the paying and keeping track of everything). Perfect match there. It showed that he had £1k to pay. Luckily we have been keeping enough money aside each month to pay the bill in one lump sum, only I accidentally ticked the box online to collect from his PAYE code 2010/2011 without realising. A letter arrived for Mr W on Monday confirming the amount and reiterating that it would be collected through his PAYE code next year. He was overjoyed at this….and decided that he would spend the money on a new water kite. £1,200 on a fucking kite!!! The summer is nearly over for God sake. We are in the middle of buying a house, our deposit and savings are dwindling faster than the icebergs as we keep spending money on shit and he wants to spend £1,200 on a fucking kite!

So I put my foot down and we had an argument with his justifications being:

“you never let me have any fun”

“I NEED it. My other kites are dangerous and I'll die if I use them and it will be your fault because you didn't let me buy this one”…bullshit…he already has 6 friggin kites and when he bought those they are all amazing and he’d never need to buy another one again…now apparently they are shit and dangerous.

“you always spend money on yourself and I’m never allowed to” Erm yes I do but it’s my own money and not the savings of which I pay DOUBLE what he does into

“you spent a fortune on the dog which you wanted when you could have waited until we'd bought the house ” which WE wanted. He was the one who was looking at all the breeder adverts

So he has been in a strop since Monday because I have transferred the money straight into the house deposit savings (which we are massively behind on). Cue lots of bitching between him and his friends in the garden about me being a bore and a nag and a fun spoiler and the silent treatment or grunts.

My friend has taught her husband the difference between 'need' and 'want' so much so that if she now asks him he will recite the difference encyclopedia word perfect. I need her to have words with Mr W

*did I mention that he is 30 years old?!*

Men! Can’t live without them…..well

Suffocating

2010-07-07T13:51:00.003+01:00

I have pmt today and am in a bad mood so getting a text from a friend earlier organising my weekend for me has annoyed me somewhat. There is a medieval festival opposite my house this weekend with 2,000 people dressed up in costume living in a camp for a week. It is one of the highlights of my July. I get up when I want to and saunter over when I want to and if people happen to be there then great. I live in such a small town that you don’t need to organise anything, you just go somewhere and you are guaranteed that everyone you know will be there too.

I’ve posted a few times before here and here that my friends can be a bit of a pain in the arse. Everything always has to be planned down to the exact minute. Everyone has to do everything as a group…you can’t possibly socialise with just a few of the group or everyone else gets in an arse that they were not invited.

So I have not planned this weekend. I will go to the festival and if I bump into anyone else than great. It is inevitable we will all bump into each other as we all live a max of a 5 min walk from the site.

So I get the following text from one of my friends in ‘the group’ today:

“My thought are – get to the festival around 2ish then head back into town for a shindig. Okay?”

And it’s really put my back up. Why do we all have to arrive together? Why do we have to do EVERYTHING together? I’m sure we’re all capable to getting there when we want. The site is tiny so it’s not as if we would not be able to find each other. We’ve not even discussed attending the festival together or even mentioned it to one another.

So I sent the following back:

“we’re planning on going down whenever we’re ready so I’m sure we’ll bump into you there at some point”

It’s the same friend who takes over all of the plans, the same friend who invites himself to whatever we’re doing, the same friend that steals other friends away and gatecrashes all the time.

Sometimes I’m just happy in my own space. I don’t have to be surrounded by people all the time and I don’t like my social life being organised for me. I might not even want to go to the blinkin festival (though obviously I do because I’ve been raving about it on twitter all week) but still….

Is your 'friend group' as suffocating as mine?

Back to the Same....

2010-07-06T13:49:00.000+01:00

Oh Back to The Future, how I loved you when I was younger and in my geek stage. You were up there with Star Wars for me. I dreamed about meeting Marty McFly and travelling with him in his DeLorean, even if some of the sub tones of the films were a little weird...his young mum wanting to get jiggy with her son was particularly disturbing although at the time my mind had not yet been tainted and so I saw it as nothing more than a little funny.

Anyway, a hoax is doing the rounds that today is that day that Marty travelled to the future...the 6th July 2010 (I believe though the date would have actually been October 2015 but lets pretend for a minute). How disappointed would he have been to arrive today and to have seen that not much has changed; the clothes may be a little different, the cars more boxy and we have cash machines but apart from and our increased crime we are not exactly the future he may have dreamed of. Where are the hover boards, the flying cars, the robot dinner servers? Oh how he's probably get right back in his DeLorean and travel the hell back to 1985.

How much do you think the world will have changed 15 years from now?

Transgender and the petrol station

2010-07-01T13:30:00.001+01:00

I have a mouth that sometimes gets me into trouble…..I just can’t help myself ; If I see something I think is wrong or a disagree with it I cannot stand by and stay silent. Like the time that I ran after a litter bug screaming “I think you’ve dropped something” whilst thrusting his sandwich packet into his hand..I nearly got a slap for that, or the time that I told off some kids who were picking on another kid outside the shop..I nearly got a slap for that, or the time I told some yobs on a bus to “shut the f up” when they were playing their shitty ringtones LOUDLY for 30 mins and everyone else was too scared to say anything....i nearly got a slap for that..see a recurring theme here. Oh and the time that some girls were screaming like banshees outside my bedroom window at 2am like drunken idiots as my neighbour had another girl in his house..I went downstairs to tell them to shut the f up…and I had my back window kicked in. Granted I was quite rude in my manner of asking them but 2am…really!

And today I my mouth nearly got me into trouble again….I popped to the petrol station on the way to work to get a HUGE can of redbull as Lola has been up since 6am smashing things in the house, jumping on me in bed and behaving like a complete loon so I was not in the best of moods. In front of me in the queue was a man wearing a yellow flowery top. I thought maybe he was a bit of a hippy but on closer inspection noticed the short denim skirt and the bright red lipstick. He was a transvestite. I thought nothing more of this.It doesn’t bother me. I have a close friend who is a transvestite although he does it in the privacy of his own home or under the cover or dark so things like this do not shock me.

Anyway, when it was his turn to be served the 3 female cashiers behind the counter (all in their 40’s & 50’s) could not stop starting at him and when he left they started sniggering, pointing and starting at him as he walked all the way back to his car..i saw red and this is where my mouth rang away with me. I shouted out “excuse me but it really is rather rude to stare and laugh” to which my cashier replied “I wasn’t staring. I thought he was wearing shorts” to which I replied “no you weren’t. Why else would you be sniggering at him? He had bright red lipstick on so don’t try and hide your blatant small mindesness”..they gave me a dirty look so I called her a ‘rude bitch’. Probably a little over the top but it really angered me how obviously rude they were being. He should not have been treated as a laughing stock or curiosity. Freak shows died out a long time ago.

I understand that perhaps people may not have been exposed to certain things within this world and may have had very closed lives and perhaps part of their reaction was due to shear embarrassment but there would have been a time and a place to react to it…not in front of him or in a station full of customers..and at their age they really should have know better.

(but for all I know he could have been completely oblivious to it and more annoyed at my reaction which now on reflection I see may have drawn more attention to him)

I will defiantly not be going back to that particular station for a while just in case I’m escorted off the premises.

This has always been my problem..fighting corners for people and things without me knowing whether they really want or need me to. Maybe I should have just kept quiet and gently seethed inside but I felt I need to show my disgust at their behaviour. If we all kept quiet about things that we feel are wrong how will others know that not everyone shares their views? Maybe that's the British culture though..we don't like to make a fuss or say anything so we muddle along letting people do or say things they really shouldn't..and isn't that a sad state of affairs.

Do you fight other people’s battles for them or do you prefer to keep quiet?

When was the last time your mouth or opinions got you into trouble?

Circle (password protected)

2010-06-29T16:42:00.001+01:00

Show encrypted text

Have just changed the title of this post as I realised I have subconsciously stolen it from someone else. Oops
email theworldaccordingtomissh@gmail.com for password

MUSIC SUNDAY (Kele)

2010-06-27T09:00:00.000+01:00

I've only missed about 10 weeks of this now....nevermind. One artist this week....Kele!!

Bloc Party's Kele Okereke has revealed details of his forthcoming debut solo album to be released on the 21st June.
He will record and perform solo under the name Kele. A single, 'Tenderoni', is out on June 14.

The album was produced mainly in New York with producer XXXchange. Kele told NME.COM that the record sees him embracing his interest in dance music.

"I've been into clubbing for years," he explained. "I've said from the beginning I'm into dance, it gets me excited and I think this record is going to go some way to prove that to people, hopefully."

I can't fucking wait!

7....

2010-06-23T14:07:00.016+01:00

……days of the week, colours of the rainbow, the number of stellar objects in the solar system visible to the naked eye from Earth or perhaps the average number of sexual partners a woman has had in Western Europe. Would it surprise you hear that this number is 7? Aren’t we the only mammals who have sex for pleasure…..there’s a magic word in there..pleasure. It’s no different to riding a bike (in more ways than one) so why are we still so embarrassed to talk about it?

Why do we, women, keep our nighttime dalliances a guarded secret only to be divulged to out most trusted and why do men brag about it so much telling all and sundry? . Why in a society where sex is in our faces all day, every day is there still a taboo about it. ‘Sex and the City’ taught women to be open about sex, to enjoy it and most importantly that if a woman sleeps around she is not a slut; she is simply exercising her right to be an equal partner.

I myself had it drilled into me by my mother that “the worst thing a girl can get is a reputation” so my idea not gain this most hated tag was to do everything but final base. I was a half slut. Someone who gained experience and found out what they liked and how boys worked by doing everything but the final act. Some may have called me a prick tease, I call it research.

We all have a magic number, meeting Mr W at 19 ensured that mine is below the average, half way between double figures and 1. My magic number is 5. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I’d have out myself out there a bit more but then I think back to the men I’ve slept with and the bad experiences I have had and think that there are so many bad fish out there, once you find someone on the same sexual level as you you stop looking and run with what you have……..

The midget punk and popper of my cherry

I met jimmy at a house party when I was just 16…imagine ‘skins’ circa 1998.lots of hormonal spotty teenagers fumbling around in the dark, having sex, drinking and smoking. I was very drunk and he was very short..very short in fact compared to my 5”8…he was almost midget sized. God know why that attracted me..I think I was just very drunk. Anyway after about 10 mins or drunken slurring and smoking weed we proceeded up to the older sisters room of the house it was to do the deed.

I can’t really remember a lot about it to be honest other than it was awkward and crap and I didn’t feel a thing and the condom came off, oh and there was a comatose drunk person on the bed so we actually started off on a blow up chair but that burst so we ended up on the floor…and the door was wide open so people kept coming into the room. I was sooo classy back then. (what they say about small men is true; he was definitely in proportion!). Jimmy was a virgin too so in theory I also popped his cherry and technically raped him as he was only 15. It was all over in a matter of minutes and I was so embarrassed that I ran out of the room and didn’t speak to him for the rest of the night. I didn’t tell any of my friends either and thought I could get away with it being a secret but then the next day he called up my friends house after begging her friend for her number to see if I was okay….my friends then found out and ribbed me for weeks about loosing it to a midget. We went out for a month afterwards but he was only with me for the sex so I dumped him

A few weeks later I heard that he turned up at his end of gcse’s prom with a boy wearing a dress who he announced to the school on stage was his boyfriend….so yes I turned him gay!

The Caravanning Brummie
Family caravanning holidays were always fun; lots of boys everywhere and the freedom to go where you want with ho you want, so when I met Craig I was in lust. Perhaps it was the sun and the sea that did it because it definitely wasn’t his Brummie accent or bleached blonde curtains. He was also incredibly camp, a fact I may have glanced over. I don’t even remember fancying him, I do however remember being drunk…..there seems to be a repetition here…….and I remember that we started off on the kids playground before moving onto the communal toilets and doing it in an empty shower cubical; It was bloody uncomfortable and must have been rubbish and I was so embarrassed the next day I avoided him for the rest of the holiday. He then moved onto his next victim. Poor girl. I imagine him as a very camp holiday rep now probably with a girlfriend but with a secret boy on the side. What is it about me and gay men?

The twat from the office

The one I’d rather forget and erase from time. The one that I finished wih Mr W for. The one that I though was stood on the green side of the grass, the one that clouded my vision and turned out to be a massive dick (not in member size but general being). I was at a standstill in my life, I’d got back from backpacking to have to move into Mr W’s mums, with no home and no proper job I started temp work. We innocently flirted at work, he knew I was in a long-term relationship but he was arrogant like that, he really didn’t give a toss, he always got what he wanted. The flirting got stronger, he would nto let up, I got confused finished with Mr W and spent the night at his on promises and dreams. It was crap, he was crap and selfish and shit in bed despite all his brags. Once he was satisfied, that was it, job done, no matter if I hadn’t orgasmed yet; he had, that was his primary goal. We just weren’t compatible that way and he was not after a relationship. He says he’d slept with over 100 women…they must be 100 disappointed women! He chased and chased, caught me and then left my half used carcass to move onto his next prey. He told everyone at work, I moved departments, his game was finished. I really hope that someone presses ‘game over’ on him.

The boy whose name I can never remember

Mr W and I were ‘on a beak’ I went out with a girlfriend to console myself and though the best way to get over Mr W was to have a one night stand. She told me it wasn’t. I though I knew better…what better way to get over a broken heart than to meet someone else…perhaps true if I’d have left it more than a week! The boys whose name I can never remember had also just split up with his long term partner so ad headed advice from his make mates and gone out on the prowl too. After meeting and crying together over our lost loves we headed back in a drunken zig zag fashion to his student house, we were both drunk, I freaked him out in bed and he embarrassingly drove me and my friend home the next day. No walk of shame here, just an awkward car journey back. It was obvious it hasn’t helped mend either of our hearts so I can’t even thank him for that. It did however teach me that there are someone things a woman should not do in bed on a one night stand…some men are very easily freaked out and some surprises should be for relationships only…..

Mr W

Met when I was 19. Spent the next few years doing nothing but having sex in every which way in every place conceivable so much so that we got a reputation amongst housemates for it. They’d play weird saxophone porno music every time we nipped upstairs so we took to having sex everywhere else; cars, a skate halfpipe, in the middle of a nightclub, the beach, the sea, toilets…anywhere. For some reason my favourite place used to be the floor of his mums bathroom…..it defiantly wasn’t the dodgy 70’s carpets and olive bath that turned me on! 9 years down the line and we are no longer at the can’t keep our hands off each other stage but we’re at a maturer, know each others bodies completely stage that develops with time. And that is something you will never get with a one night stand.

So those are my conquests and now I’m married I will be with the one man for the rest of my life Does this depress me…no. Why? Because as cliché as it sounds; sex is always better when you’re in love and when you find the one man that will give you multiple orgasms every single time you know he’s a keeper.

What’s your number?

Dog eat Dog

2010-06-22T16:28:00.003+01:00

For 6 weeks now I've been one of those sad people you see walking the streets with their puppy, yanking it's lead and trying to get it to sit whilst carrying a bag full of poo. This has become my life. I am the girl covered in dog hairs with chewed flip-flops and bags under her eyes from waking at 6:45 each morning to clear up diarrhea and walk in a state of sleep around the park more times than I care to remember.

I have become the crazy animal lady, another government statistic: married home owner female under 30 with a job in the private sector earning over £xk per year and with spends a high percentage of her disposable income on her furry friends.

I am no longer just a cat owner of the two biggest fattest greyest cats ever but I am now a dog owner. I have joined an elite club and I like it!

Every walk is an adventure. I am a lazy cow, I have admitted this in the past. Mr W is the extreme sports freak..I am the extreme sports watcher but not participator. I prefer to perch my derriere on the sand that be pulled off it in the sea. But to my amazement I have been up every morning 2 hrs before work to take Bodie for a quick 20 minute walk and then in the evenings we’ve been for much longer romps. My muffin top has gradually been toning up and disappearing; people at work have commented on how my skin is glowing and I look healthier and fresher.

I have seen more of my town and the countryside in the past month than I ever have in the year and a half I’ve been living here. I’ve fallen in love with how beautiful the countryside and river are and just how lucky I am to be living surrounded by fields, black and white tudor buildings and the sounds and sights of wildlife in my garden compared to the grey and cold of the city.

We also had the cat/dog standoff. Bodie has now been well and truly put in his place by King Winston who now weights in at a hefty 7.5kg (he’s not fat just big boned..no seriously it’s his breed!) and will swiftly deliver a hefty haymaker if Bodie gets too out of line. I’ve seen it happen...Mohammed Ali eat your heart out..Winston can pack one hell of a punch! Lola however lets Bodie climb all over her as she loves baby boy animals because they are the same size as her and is too laid back to tell him off when he's humping her. I don’t think she'll like it quite so much when he is at his full weight, he'll be 5x the size of her.

There are however a few things that you are not informed of when you pick your puppy up from the breeder:

A quick walk takes 10x a long as EVERYONE wants to stop to stroke him an admire him. Well I don’t blame them; he is one hell of a handsome puppy! This is especially annoying though when you are in a hurry or in a bad mood or have already passed 5 people cooing and craning their necks to look at him. He’s a puppy, not dipped in gold and glitter.

Puppies have sensitive stomachs. I had to go and pick the puppy with food allergies and a very dodgy tummy!! He therefore now had to wear a muzzle when we go anywhere near food he might eat, like pubs gardens or BBQ’s. The muzzle makes him look like a furry Hannibal Lector and people think he’s vicious so I’ve taken to writing “I DO NOT BITE. I HAVE A SERIOUS WHEAT ALLERGY AND AM TOO MUCH OF A HOOVER TO BE TRUSTED AROUND FOOD NOT WEARING THIS” on it in marker pen. Some old guy fed him a few spicy Doritos at the pub last week and we had 5 days of constant diarrhea, blood and mucus until we got it back under control. I have used 400 dog poo bags in the last month. I have become an expert of picking it up. Mr W and I even now have a ‘poo grade’ where we rate the colour, consistency and size of his poop so we know whether he’s well or has eaten something bad again. I talk about his poo a lot. It disgusts me and also excites me. I get great satisfaction when he’s done his business outside and it’s nice pop. We like nice poo.

Puppies will eat ANYTHING and EVERYTHING including cat litter and poo! The telephone wire has been chewed in half so I am now without a telephone (the cold callers will hate this), my flip flops have been chewed and dismembered, he has taken to sneaking into next doors house and stealing the little boys socks and hording them in his crate and last night he made a hole in my new favourite top….which was a great excuse for me to go out and by some more..well every cloud…..

Taking a puppy anywhere is a military operation. I walk around with the entire contents of Pets at Home in my special puppy walking bag full of toys, poo bags, hand sanitiser, tissues (sometimes it can get messy), travel bowl, water bottle, rain coat, spare lead, harness, muzzle, camera, treats, clicker, spare food etc etc etc. The bag must weight about a stone and I look like a bag lady with it. I have become Pets at Home's best customer. That reminds me...I must ask them about becoming the face of their empire, I seem to spend every other day in there.

Puppy class is full of weirdos. Bodie was star pupil last week but the teacher though I was showing off as he could sit when he was 8 weeks old and his recall is excellent, he retrieves and his concentration is amazing. She was a bit of a bitch so we bunked off on Sunday. Bodie hadn’t done his homework and I couldn’t be dealing on a hangover with 7 other manic, barking pups and a teacher who is far too enthusiastic about waging tails so I am now a parent who allows their puppy to play truant.

It was so much easier when a pet was an electronic toy that if you killed through lack of care you could simply buy a new one...but then it doesn't love you back like an actual living breathing pet does and what is the point in that.

I'll take picking up real poo over a virtual Tamagotchi poo everytime.

2 years ago today.....

2010-06-21T16:14:00.000+01:00

I married Mr W...the man who keeps me sane and make me laugh every single day. I am very very very lucky to have found him and to have spent 9 years with him by my side through thick and thin. I hope you all find your Mr or Mrs W too

RANT OF THE WEEK: Blog Whoring

2010-06-21T01:00:00.013+01:00

If I see another 'follower giveway' from a beauty blog pop up on my google reader I will scream. The age old formula for being a 'popular' beauty blogger these days is the simple tried and tested solution of having a 'follower giveaway' whereby followers have to enter the comp and for extra entries; blog about it, add a link to their facebook, twitter about it etc etc etc. Basically pimp the fuck out of your blog to make it more popular! Sad but true.

This then means they have hundreds of followers (who are only after their freebies) and it makes them look great when in fact their blogs are actually only mediocre and those that flow their blog never read it, they were just in it for the free stuff.

This is why I stopped my beauty blog after only a few posts because the bullshit in the community got too much….there is FAR too much beauty blog whoring about and a ‘I’ll scratch your back if you scratch mine’ mentality.

There appears to be none of this within the normal blogging community. I read loads of blogs, I have a fair few followers, I hardly ever get comments. Do I give a shit?..no. I write for me, end of. I don't write for anyone else and if people like it and comment then great and that makes me have a warm feeling in my loins, if they don't I certainly don't bloody cry about it and write a post about how unloved I feel.

I admit that I am a bad blogger. People comment on my posts but I hardly ever comment back..is this because I can't be bothered to or hate their blogs? No, it's because I literally don't have the time. I read hundreds of posts in my reader every day and trying to cram this in alone takes up an entire lunchtime at work...this in itself then doesn’t leave me any time to write any posts of my own, it certainly does not leave me any time to comment back on posts I like. I do read each and every single post (apart from most beauty blogs which I have read time and time again so I tend to skim over the same posts I've seen a million times before) I am just a bad bad commenter. I would so much rather leave a decent comment on someones blog than a generic lame “I like this post” or “I agree with the above” or “I like this post, you should check out my post and follow me at www.ireallyamdesperateforfollowers.blogspot.com”. How lame are those!! Silence is sometimes better than leaving a lame comment.

I've been told many a time that to get loads of followers you need to get yourself out there; follow loads of blogs in the hope that they will follow you back; leave loads of comments on others blogs in the hope that they will follow you back; you get the idea. I'm simply not prepared to do that. I'm not going to lick someone’s arse in the hope they'd do the same to me. I have literally hundreds of blogs in my reader, some of these people I know, most I don't and they don't read my blog and that's fine with me. I understand that my schizophrenic blog is not to everyone’s taste. I don’t expect any of you to read my blog because you feel you have to and I like talking to myself. I do it all them time anyway.

Don't beg for followers like a desperado and then have a hissy fit when you see no action on your blog after they have followed your flock. We’re supposed to write for pleasure not for freebies or popularity. It’s the virtual world not bloody high school.

Grow some balls and get over yourself!

MUSIC SUNDAY

2010-06-20T09:00:00.002+01:00

Currently listening to..........

Lissie

She has the voice, the songs and the image – barefoot prairie girl transported to an LA canyon in 1972 – to be huge in 2010.

Lissie's debut album "Catching A Tiger" is out in June

We Were Promised Jetpacks

An indie rock band from Edinburgh, Scotland.

Two Door Cinema Club

This upbeat art-pop group from Bangor, Northern Ireland, comprise three guitars, some jaunty keyboards and no drummer.

Delphic

Indie guitars and euphoric electronica have rarely gone together well, but this Manchester group make them a natural fit. Hypnotic songs are driven by pulsating beats as frontman James Cook sings infectious hooks. Their motto is: "The guitar is dead, long live the guitar."

Good Shoes

Good Shoes are a four-piece English indie pop band

Fenech-Soler

Ou Est Le Swimming Pool

London Town Innit

2010-06-17T14:57:00.000+01:00

Last Weekend I went to London (though not to buy a heat magazine) to see Rage Against the Machine in their celebration gig after the defeat of Simon Cowells new xfactor prodigy..Joe McBigTeethEldry. . It's been AGES since I last went...despite it only being 1.5hrs away which to someone living in a huge country would be just down the road, to me the distance is akin to travelling abroad. It's a mission...a mission I used to hate! I was a London hater...a hater of the dirt, the greyness, the crowds and the unfriendliness of it's occupants...now I'm a fully converted London lover and I learnt a few things along the way.

The tube is windy....so windy it's as if a 10ft methane man is stood at the bottom of the tunnel farting rather viciously. Where does all the wind come from? It makes no sense...you're underground. This baffles me!

I go all that way to eat my food in chain restaurants however Wagamamma's is yummy!! Why is my nearest one in Bath. I will be petitioning them for a Wagamamma's in Cheltenham. We need one! I need one.

Where have all the American tourists gone? My last few trips to London have seen me practically have to sit on the laps of American tourists with their every so loud voices, baseball caps and dodgy lip liner...but I did not see (or hear...wow their voices travel) a single American this time. Is there a shortage of American tourists? Were they all lost in the Bermuda triangle along the way. This is one of life's little mysteries I must discovery the answer to. In their place instead were lots and lots of Spaniards. It must be their turn for the next decade to take the Capital over and single handedly keep the tourist industry going.

The tube is not a place to be feared. It's friggin easy to navigate. So easy that when Mr W with his inbuilt man navigational system kept getting on the wrong tubes, I knew where to go. Why did I used to hate it?

You can never ever find a Londoner when you need one....we must have spent an hour trying to find a newsagents as every person we met met us back with blank stares or "I no speaka z english" erm hello....you're working in a shop. Where are all the Londoners? I fear they fell into the same abyss as the American tourists.

My heart belongs in Camden. I always wanted to be a Notting Hill girl; the gorgeous town house, the book shops, the leafy parks, the Hugh Grant neighbour types, but my heart has well and truly been snatched by Camden; the cafes, the music, the clothes, the pubs, the graffiti, the eccentric people, the locks, the markets. It is just a very very cool place. I felt like I was back in London in the 70's; there were more punks than at Sex Pistols reunion gig (which I know would be near impossible)

You will never be more than 10ft from someone with a weird fetish. Take for example the man who stood next to me on the tube who stared at my feet in my flip flops the whole journey. His eyes did not move from my unpainted toenails. Has he never seen flip flops before?

Rage were as always AMAZING!!! Nothing better than singing like a loon and dancing round like on acid to one of the best live bands ever. See what I mean.......

London you have my heart but I will still forever be a small town girl.

RANT OF THE WEEK: Mouth Noises

2010-06-14T13:07:00.001+01:00

There is one thing that is guaranteed to make me want to tear my eyeballs out. The one thing that makes me wince and literally had made me run from a room screaming and in tears. The one thing that grates on me more than a thousand fingernails down a chalkboard or dunking my hands into flour........mouth noises!!!

Those disgusting, squelchy, foul noises emitted from someones mouth when the eat or are eating face. I cannot stand it!!! Growing up I was taught table manners, sadly it seems not everyone shares these manners. I suffer with low blood pressure condition with a name too long for me to attempt to spell; one of it's side effects is that I suffer from noise sensitivity. This means that at certain times when I lapse into a low blood pressure spell I will home in on your mouth noises and literally will not hear anything else apart from you eating. I will then turn into a fucking angry person. So angry and frustrated it's like I am literally wanting to explode my anger onto your ass.

A few years ago I was getting a lift home from work with a colleague. He was chewing chewing gum. I fucking hate chewing gum..it should be banned!! Anyway he was chewing it with such enthusiasm with his mouth open them most disgusting noises I've every heard were being emitted. I literally could not hear anything he was saying to me, only these noises which were boring into my brain. I felt myself getting more wound up, anxious and fucking angry as we went along that I screamed at him to stop the car (we were on a dual carriageway)..he thinking I was having some kind of fit did and I got out of the car and ran all the way to the nearest bus stop just to get away from the noises.

If someones eating loudly or disgustingly in a restaurant I have to leave. My friends know that they must eat quietly else I am likely to want to punch something, start crying with sheer anxiety or walk out of the room. The one person that eats disgustingly in front of me still knows that he will have me telling him to 'close your fucking mouth' each time it gets too much. Mr W knows he has to eat in silence next to me. The cats and puppy don't know this but their squelchy eating does not bother me...they are animals, they don't know manners. You are fucking humans....you should.

I am obsessed!!!!

2010-06-14T12:45:00.000+01:00

Oh FFS. 5 spare minutes yesterday found me with my credit card in hand in a trance like state buying more of these bloody things......now where to hide them before Mr W notices.....I don;t think he will buy the "oh I've had these ages" line again.

Drama

2010-06-09T13:07:00.003+01:00

Remember my so called 'friend' that earlier in this year called me a cock sucking cunt to mutual friends, amongst other things. The one I wrote a post about here because it was completely uncalled and all pointless facebook drama created by her fucking crazy attention seeking....well so far I have managed to avoid her because although I used to be queen bitch and would give as good as I got and more I am now more mature and can't be bothered to deal with pointless shit.

Well anyway in a few weeks a group of us are going to the beach for the weekend...just the closest group of us...only I log onto facebook a minute ago and see that someone has just invited her. The same someone that himself last year detested her and could not stand to be in her company because she fucked him around...oh yeah have I mentioned that out of our male friends she has slept with......oh 5 of them!!! Yeah that's right...out of 8 boys she has shagged 5 of them and tried it on with the other 3 (when they were all single of course....they call it her being a 'free spirt'..i call that being a dirty insecure slut). Talk about stirring the porridge and sloppy seconds!

I sound like I hate the girl....I really don't....but she has never apologised to me for what she did. Piss me off and apologise or talk about it and all is forgotten. Piss me off and don't apologise however and I will simmer about it...forever!

I feel like being immature and telling him that I am no longer going as I don't want my nice relaxing fun weekend away with my closest friends ruined by an attention seeking nutter but that would really bring me down to her level (I think I've just answered my own question there)

I think I should just bite my tongue and go....and gently simmer away

PMT is a bitch!

Big Brother…what a crock of shit!

2010-06-09T12:09:00.001+01:00

It’s that time of year again….the time of year where the whole country seems to go voyeur crazy. The time of year where for 3 months people spend time obsessively watching 13 fame obsessed ‘housemates’ in a house doing…well not a lot really. I can’t think of anything more bloody boring than turning on the television/newspaper/gossip websites only to be faced with 13 gormless, unintelligent beings fame hungry and desperate for the 5 minutes of fame they will be rewarded with.

This year we’ve been able to see the 79 potential housemates before they go into the house (wow, aren’t we lucky) and they are an variable bunch of desperadoes. We have ‘models’..(Jesus Christ doing 1 photo-shoot with your boyfriend in your bedroom and his digital camera does not make you a model) orange permatanned wag wannabes, big boobed small brained glamour girls and the usual “look at me, I’m so crazy..I’m mental me” riff raff.

Looking at their mug shots I spot a few who I’ve seen on television before..and these are the people that have stated “I’m not going on Big Brother to get famous”…yeah right..why the fuck else would you go on it? You’ll have a few months afterwards regardless of your popularity of being able to party with the c list stars in London’s hottest spots….see totally worth it! I also spot a few who from their stories sound like they have an interesting tale to tell but sadly they won't get their 5 minutes of fame.

We’ve had various winners over the year:

• A Portuguese Transsexual

• A cyber goth with tourettes

• Possibly the most unintelligent person in the history of the world (but he was hilariously funny and I still want to buy him a pint)

• And Jade and her kebab (interesting name for her VJ there...real sexy)…..Bermondsey’s finest and thickest. The butt of the UK medias jokes for years until she got cancer and died and suddenly became the nations sweetheart. She had more mourners than at a Gypsy funeral. What a turnaround!

• And who can forget the precious moment with Kinga or Minga as better suits her shoving a wine bottle up her VJ..for fucks sake girl you have cameras all on you..I really don’t think that’s the way to get yourself indented in the public hearts.

My favourite housemate was Derek Laud, probably the only black gay Tory you’ll ever meet. He was genius and such a gentleman.

It’s the final Big Brother ever people..come on!!! Please don’t vote in 13 pathetic wannabe clones we’ve all seen before!!! Anyone who says they don’t want to be famous is lying.

Please please please vote in some INTERESTING people…and by interesting I don’t mean someone who claims to have the biggest boobs in the UK or someone with wait for it…..a knob piercing. See clearly mental and will make for interesting viewing….?! Vote for intelligence, vote for sanity..vote for a decent finals series for once. If I see another house full of vain failed models I will vomit on the nearest thing next to me and believe me vomit on a puppy is hard to wash out!

But we all know it'll be the usual parade of the needy, the greedy, the borderline sociopaths, show-offs, misfits, dipshits, the silicone-enhanced and the terminally unbalanced.

I’ll be off then to get some large rechargeable batteries for my giveafuckometer…It's suddenly flatlined on me.

"Hey, I'm your sister, but we've never met"

2010-06-03T12:10:00.002+01:00

I have a sister, a sister that I have never met. Technically she is my step sister but I won't let that little technically get in the way. I also have a step brother but I have met him once, by accident...

In a nutshell in my first year of uni my Dad's affair was discovered. My parents have since divorced (believe me parents divorcing when you are an adult is no easier than having them divorce when you are a child..especially when there is 'another woman' involved. Because you are an adult you are not shielded form any of the sordid little secrets as you would have been if you were a child; you are not protected from the screaming matches or the crying or the utter despair, the hurt and the depression. You are put in the middle of it all and made to take sides. My little brother was 6 years younger than me. He was protected. It sent me into a deep depression. I just wish my Dad would have had the guts to end it all sooner)

Turns out my Dad had been having an affair behind my mums back for at least the previous 5 years. He is still together with the 'other woaman'. I like her, they have been together now for maybe 12 years that I know of. She has 2 children. For a while I hated her and I hated my father but life is too short to be full of hatred. My Dad lives with her and after a few years I felt brave enough to enter their cozy world, the world that had been a secret for so many years. One day I met her son...the son that is at university but probably sees more of my father than my 2 brothers do. That part fills me with sadness! He was lovely though and probably as nervous as I was.

She also has a daughter. I have never met her. Mr W has. He says she is lovely. She has a daughter herself. This means that my Dad is now a step-Grandad. This also make me a little sad as my brother as I will now not be the first to give him a Grandchild.

Anyway, this morning I found her on my Dads facebook and I'm thinking of requesting to be her 'friend'...would that be weird? I figure that after 12 years we may as well get go know each other even if it only is on a social networking site. Hey, growing up with brothers and friend who were all boys it would be nice to have an older 'sister'. How do I even approach it; "Hey, I'm Hannah. your step-sister...we've never met but lets be friends!"

It's strange to think that 15 miles away my Dad has 2 more 'children'. I have a brother and sister but for 12 years we have been strangers. Maybe this year we'll be family.

WTF!!!!

2010-05-31T10:20:00.000+01:00

When top level guys look down

2010-05-28T16:47:00.004+01:00

From having 11 days off work I'm now in a thoroughly shite mood.......let me explain:

A few months ago a blogger trip was planned for Edinburgh this weekend with some of the girl I went to Manchester with..I booked the time off work. I then booked the next weekend off also as I am going to see Rage Against The Machine (yes I was one of those sad ppl who knocked poor little Joe McBigTeeth off the xmas number 1 spot)
Head of my department, a month or so ago introduces a new work hectic project and announces that none of my team is allowed any time off in May and anyone who does have time off is to cancel it. She follows up these strict instructions with an email. I therefore cancel my 2 booked long weekends off.
2 weeks ago I asked her if I would be able to carry over my holiday into next years entitlement (this is usually forbidden) seeing as for business reasons I can;t use it this year and it adds up to a lot and can't take it in June as everyone else in my team site is on holiday. She asked why I cancelled my holiday...I replied "because you told me to"...she replied "oh did I? I didn't mean you actually had to cancel it".. WHF? You send 2 arsey emails telling us all we couldn't have our holiday and told us all face to face and you signed off my holiday cancellation form.
So she did a complete u-turn and told me I could take my holiday so I booked off today, the whole of next week and Monday...not to do anything in particular as we had since bough the puppy which means no Edinburgh and no 'Run to the Sun' for me but just to use up my holidays.

Today, after spending the day doing chores and dog walking I return home to a frantic email, text and voice mail from my supervisor saying that she knows that Head is a bit of a pain but she wants me in all next week.

I swear its like working with a schizophrenic. I'm not spending next week in work bloody system testing! Fuck that!!! .....but in reality if I want to keep my boss sweet..do I really have a choice?

When top level guys look down, they see only shit;
When bottom level guys look up, they see only assholes...

Normal Blogging duties....

2010-05-26T09:18:00.000+01:00

.....will resume shortly once my recent hectic life slows down a little. Thank fuck for over a week off work starting Friday! I have been burning the candle both ends and am literally exhausted and have been like a walking zombie for the last 3 weeks or so. Red Bull has become my new best friend. I really should buy shares in the company.

I've missed you all (and you/I talking about random crap no-one else wants to hear)

See you next week

M.I.A (click here and it will take you to more pictures)

2010-05-08T13:21:00.002+01:00

Since Monday it has been a whirlwind of toilet training, feeding, playing with, vets appointments and sleepless nights with this little man not to mention an emergency vets appointment and the complete caning of my credit card for Winston after an abscess under his chin burst leaving blood and pus everywhere on Wednesday night. My favourite shirt has today been used in a game of tug of war and is covered in slobber (not my idea) and I have been spending the week at work discussing more poo than I ever have before. Oh the joys of pet ownership!!

I've been up at 6am each morning to start work at 7am to be home to 3pm to administer the 2nd round of medications for both Bo and Winston and have literally not been on the laptop apart from up upload pictures and videos so both my blogging and blog reading have taken a massive back burner. Last nights trip to the pub after visiting our friends new pad saw me fall sleep by 10pm after only drinking coke (I was designated driver) and my massive lie-in this morning only lasted till 7:30am. But look at his little face. If I could have a house full of animals I would for now it's just the 2 cats,1 puppy and 1.5 fish (0.5 as it's a rubbish stickleback type fish).

If this is preparing me for motherhood I am definitely bowing out!

I has Puppy!!

2010-05-04T07:41:00.003+01:00

Meet 'Bo'

4 bacon rolls

2010-05-01T09:23:00.002+01:00

I really do have a childish sense of humour. Facejacker on a Friday night cracks me up

sun, sea but no surf

2010-04-26T17:56:00.002+01:00

Perranporth
Originally uploaded by miss*H

The Unwritten Rules of Camping

2010-04-22T12:24:00.001+01:00

Tomorrow I am off to Cornwall for a weekend of sun, cider, kite surfing (well I say ‘I’m’ what I actually mean is I shall be sat on the beach with the dogs and watching the boys ‘kite-surf’ because I am lazy like that) and to stay in this....

What the hell is that you may ask? No it's not a bee house for abnormally large bees, or three boobies.. it’s a yurt!!! Yep I don’t camp in tents I camp in fully functioning, includes a kitchen sink..yurt. I’m no roughing it this weekend, oh no, I shall be sleeping on a proper bed with proper heating and sofas and everything (but no loos).

I love getting away for a weekend to rough it however other campers get right on my goat. Therefore I shall be issuing the following rules of camping etiquette on my yurt and all surrounding tents to make sure that the fellow poor campers in their annoying flappy tents bow down to my luxurious surroundings:

Noise – if my yurt is quiet please shut the hell up. I do not want to hear your mundane conversations about what you will have for breakfast the next morning into the early hours. Do this on more than one occasion and I will make sure you have a crap nights sleep by putting bird seed all over the top of your tent so you are woken by birds pulling your tent down and walking all over it. I can guarantee you will not be noisy into the small hours then.

Don’t play football or annoying bat & ball games near me. I shall be the grumpy neighbour who punctures your balls. There is nothing nore annoying than the tap tap tap of bat and ball games. I shall tap tap tap on your face.

Keep small, noisy snotty faced children well away from me!

Don’t complain when I have a bbq…we’re camping..bbq’s 3 times a day are the only way to eat.

Keep your sex noises to a minimum. I don’t want to hear your moaning and groaning. Pillows are there to be used as mufflers or we’re in the great outdoors..who wants to have sex in a sweaty cramped tent when you have sand dunes nearby. If you insist on it though I shall be even louder next door and keep your up even longer!!

Keep to all of this and I will be a happy camper.

Kapeesh?!

Everyone (password protected)

2010-04-20T15:16:00.008+01:00

I have password protected this because I don’t want to come across as a selfish, controlling biatch plus I have prying friends………..

So 2 of my best friends have been in New Zealand for a year now, snowboarding and working. I was supposed to be going out to see them but then the opportunity to buy our house came up so we had to take that option instead so I literally have not seen them not for a year and apart from the odd short email and 1 mass phonecall I have not spoken to them much…they’ve been busy, I’ve been busy and I know what it’s like when you’re travelling…you’re too busy having a good time to cater to everyone’s communication needs back home. But I really really miss them and have been so excited to see them.

Anyway they were due to come back last weekend and then were going to go straight back up north to settle back in, see her parents etc and then were due to be heading down to see everyone this weekend….only Mr W and I and 2 other couples are away for the weekend (this was planned before we knew they were going down)….here lies the problem:

The problem with our friendship group is that there seems to be no boundaries…perhaps because the friendship group was originally all males and then I came along, and then another girlfriend and so forth and the men are all very laidback. They think nothing to turning up round each others house with a crate of beer without checking first.

Plans are always made with EVERYONE in mind. EVERYTIME we do something we have to ask EVERYONE else as if we don’t they will get upset and feel left out…..a perfect example was a month or so ago; Mr W and I were down the pub on our own….another friend text to say he was in town too so we asked him along for a drink, then some more friends did the same so they met us aswell and it ended up being about 8 of us. A week later another of our friends was being really off with Mr W and we found out that it was because he had not been invited to the pub….but it wasn’t a pre-planned thing, it just happened that the others were already out in town at the same time as us.

This happens all the time and it’s exhausting. Sometimes we just do things on our own because it’s a fucking nightmare having to ask EVERYONE and include EVERYONE in our plans so as not to cause upset. I swear invites are sent out to EVERYONE for the most mundane of tasks…”I’m having shit later..who wants to join me?’ just so that if people find out you have done something without them they have at least been invited.

There are no boundaries either because everyone is so used to doing EVERYTHING as a massive group. So many times Mr W and I have been out with 1 other couple just enjoying it being us 4 and someone will text to ask where we are ..we will reply “in the pub with z and y’ and they will turn up 5 mins later. It’s just accepted that everyone does everything together and that if people happen to do something in small groups it’s as if you are having an affair….and this is where my problem starts:

So 8 of us are off to Cornwall On Friday for a birthday. We’ve been invited as we are all closest to the birthday boy. No-one else has been invited from the group. We like it this way..nice and easy and everyone gets on. Knowing that they would miss us this weekend NZ friends said that they would come down on the Thursday just to see Mr W and I. Just the 4 of us. We had a nice nice planned of drinks round ours then maybe taking them out for a meal…just the 4 of us so we can all catch up and because we are the closest couples….only EVERYONE has found this out and have now assume that it’s a group thing.

I had an email last week at work from Mr W’s brother saying “so what’s the plan for Thurs then? We are we all doing?”. Seeing as Mr W’s brother is not coming to Cornwall (as he;s not been invited) he has NZ friends staying at his from the fri-mon I think that there is plenty of time for them to catch up over those 4 days..surely he can wait 1 more night to see them?

I replied back with “I might cook a meal for the four of us or Mr W and I might take them to the pub”…In other words fuck off. It’s my time with them you can wait until tomorrow!! Then Mr W went out with him that night and he said that his brother had already text everyone else telling them all that we’re ALL taking them out for a meal. I was really pissed off.

At the moment they are stuck in New York because of the volcantic ash so it looks unlikely now that we will see them anyway so Mr W’s brother told them that if they are not coming down he’d come to Conwall..erm…you’re not invited?!

Yes I know that I am being selfish and irrational!! Of course everyone is looking forward to seeing them but it’s so rare to get 1-2-1 time with our friend as everyone else either invites themselves along or it is always a group thing. Mr W and I are the closest couple to them anyway…no-one else has bothered to make contact with them whilst they’ve been away so I really don’t think they’ll be too bothered about seeing them…they will however be pissed off that we are dong something as a 4 only.

Mr W says that he knows that it is annoying but that’s just how it works with out friends…it’s either everyone or no-one so to keep everyone happy and to not make us look like selfish pricks we should have just the 2 friends round ours for drinks first and tell everyone else that we will meet them at the Indian (i.e don’t come round ours!). That way we can have a few precious hours of them all to ourselves before the mayhem takes over as once everyone is together you cannot get a word in edgeways and it becomes like a fight for attention.

From men to boys....

2010-04-16T15:43:00.001+01:00

They say that men mature at a slower rate to girls. That we overtake them and it takes them a good few years to reach the same maturity level. Shame that Mr W and his friends seem to be the scientific rejects of this notion. Every now and again I get a glimmer of hope that he might be catching me up and then it fades again and last weekend was the shining example of this. Let me set the scene:

It’s the first really warm weekend we’ve had all year…warm weather means that all of the Brits bring out their dusty, grease soaked BBQ’s from hibernating since the previous summer. The supermarkets are packed full of people bustling about buying their sausages, burgers and condiments ready to throw on the BBQ. Men love BBQ’s don’t they?

It’s ‘The Flintstone Factor’ coming into full force again. Apparently men have a character trait dubbed "The Flintstone Factor" which is behind their obsession with taking charge of the barbecue. Instead of a spear, men arm themselves with barbecue skewers to use the heat from a fire to cook raw food - a technique as old as the human race…and as old as some of the men at the BBQ (well if you can count 30 yrs old as mature)

So there we all are, with one friend binging along his new squeeze to meet everyone, some for the fisrt time; we should have been on our best behaviour right? Wrong!! The girls were all sat around eating our dinner on plates and talking civily. The 30 year old ‘boys’ however were tearing their meet right from the bbq, talking about tis and arse and getting louder and louder as the evening wore on….then out came the weed and bongs!! Bongs ffs. It was like being 17 years old again.

And then this happened:

“Mr W what the fuck are you and your friends doing behind the fence?”

“We’re pissing”

“YOU’RE PISSING ON THE FENCE?”

“Yeah”

“FFS WE ARE 20 METERS FROM THE TOILET. WHAY CAN’T YOU JUST WALK DOWN THE GARDEN AND GO IN THE HOUSE?!”

“Chill. It’s natural. The dogs have been pissing in the garden”

“Yes, but they are dogs with a mental age of a small child and you are 30 years old and all of the neighbours can see your skinny white arse!!!”

So, the night ended with Mr W and his friend pissing on our fence, not even out of sight of anyone when there was a toilet in the house.

Needless to say he didn’t remember it in the morning and the fence in the garden (which surrounds the BBQ) they pissed on smells like a dingy rock club men’s toilet.

Do men ever grow up or will they always have a group of friends that when they are with them, revert back to behaving like they are 17 again?

RANT OF THE WEEK: Facebook Relationships

2010-04-14T10:42:00.002+01:00

It's a sad day when you have to find out that one of your best friends and his girlfriend have broken up through the medium of facebook! Something that he did not want anyone to know about for a few days as he was understandably upset and trying to get his head around it and wanted to be alone only we all knew a few hours after the break up happened because she changed her status on facebook....then followed an influx of messages on her page. Whether she did it for attention or to help her come to terms with it I don't know but facebook certainly has a lot to answer for. A few days later they made up and were back together, which EVERYONE again saw as she changed her status back to 'in a relationship'

You may have gathered that I have a bit of a facebook hatred if my previous posts (Dear ex facebook friends, Baby Talk, Facebook you are dead to me) are anything to go by (that may be though because when I post something on lamebook the only person that ever comments on it is my mum...my mum for God's sake. I can't do anything without her stalking me on there)

Since when did a social networking site become a more acceptable medium of announcing drastic life changes than, well talking? Something private between a couple, like their serious tiff; (which is something Mr W and I would keep between ourselves) has now been seen and talking about by all of their friends and family. Something I know that he is deeply embarrassed about. What 30 year old wants to be inundated by messages after friends and family see his girlfriends childish announcement when it could have been something between them that no one else needed to know about. Why does everything have to be so bloody public?

Another friend has been seeing a new lady for a few months now. He insisted that they were just ‘seeing’ each other as he didn’t know at what point their relationship becomes defined and he could classify her as his ‘girlfriend’. He felt that he was too old to ask her to be his girlfriend face to face (as apparently you only do this in school). I stated that as they've been spending pretty much every waking minute together that it's pretty safe that he can call her his official 'girlfriend' (although I have yet to meet her..tut tut) but he instead decided that the question still needed to be asked and so made it official on facebook by changing his status to 'in a relationship'. The next stage is apparently for him to link her in facebook to ‘in a relationship with x’. If she accepts the deal is done. I joked that facebook is an official relationship contract and that if they ever break up they would have to go through mediation and essentially facebook divorce if he ever wanted to revert back to being single.

Isn’t it a sad state of affairs when relationships are defined on the internet instead of good old fashioned. That everyone knows everyone business from small tiff, to big argument, to taking a break trough to breaking up and divorce. That after breaking up with someone you then have to watch them go through the ‘in a relationship with’ part with someone else.

What happened to keeping a little bit of mystery to relationships? Why does everything have to be so public?

How to be taken seriously whilst wearing a bra

2010-04-13T22:14:00.000+01:00

Make sure it’s neon green! Ah I forgot about this

Winston Does Gangster

2010-04-13T13:14:00.000+01:00

Yes I am well aware that I sound about 10 and like a farmer..often when people ring my house phone and I answer they ask if they can speak to my mummy. I'm 27 for God's sake with the voice of a pre-pubescent child...and yes I like to dress my cat up in a cammo parka...problem?

He now hates me

More pics on my flickr

TMI Thursday: The one with the dead people

2010-04-08T14:48:00.000+01:00

***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!***

I've bared my soul to you with Livit Luvits TMI Thursdays..go check the stories out! I've told you a poo story, a wee story, a rotten tampon story & a vomit mascare story and the end is nigh. The last ever TMI post...sob!! (and you'd better be grateful as I have come out of blogger retirement just for this..and am also writing this at my desk so if I get caught my professional HR face will be shot down) so I'd better make it a good one......

Mr W's family own a funeral directors. They have done for a mear 285 years or so. It's in a very old creaky tudor building and is a typical old fashioned funeral directors....picture the scene, dark stained paneled walls, yellow tobacco stained ceilings (from when you could smoke at work), weirdo funeral directors (well lets face it you have to be a bit of a weirdo if you want to work with dead people) and of course dead bodies out the back in their freezers.

To get to the toilet at the back of the building you had to walk past the chapel of rest..where there was usually someone in an open coffin waiting to be sobbed over by their grieving family, and through the preparation area where there was always someone in an open coffin in various states of undress, usually still with their eyes open, mutilated bodies intact etc waiting to be made to look human again.

One of our friends is PETRIFIED of dead bodies, ghosts etc and being in such a creepy old building did not help when he once popped by to say hello to Mr W who works in the same building (but not on the funeral side). He needed to use the loo and after crossing his legs for a considerable amount of time could no longer contain himself so had to go. Mr W assured him that he would close all of the coffins or put the bodies back into the freezers before he went, and he did.....however he left the best for last.

Friend went to the loo and afterwards stood chatting to some staff in the back room.....Mr W took the ugliest, mankiest, most disguising putrid body and ever so quietly and carefully wheeled it to behind our friend in a wheelchair and left it there for a few seconds before coughing behind him so he would turn around to be met face to face with it. He shat himself (not literally) and completely threw his masculinity out of the window as he ran around the yard screaming. He has not been back to say hello since.

Well if you can't laugh in the face of death when can you?

FAO person in Ashton-under-lyne (Tameside)

2010-03-29T00:08:00.000+01:00

Who are you and why have you been visiting my blog 2/3 times a day since the 19th March and reading EVERY single post of mine? I should be flattered but it's freaking me out.

I don't want to make my blog invite only again but if I have to I will.

I can also block you as you are clearly someone that knows me (or just someone that likes my blog very very much but I very much doubt it).

Should I be setting my burger alarm when I go to sleep at night?

I'm alive!!!

2010-03-22T17:11:00.001Z

Yep, I'm alive and back at home and so very very bored. My stomach is swollen up like a beach ball and the only thing I can wear is a pair of gingham pj bottoms which make me look like a cross between a clown an a mental patient. I have another week of being at home feeling sorry for myself. It's not like when you're younger and the house of filled with get well soon balloons, cards and you have to turn visitors away. Having surgery when you're my age means you have your mother fuss over you for a few hours before everyone goes back to work and you are left alone to hobble around the house unable to lift/do anything which sounds lovely but is bloody boring.

Anyway, surgery went well although they had to cut me open in 3 places instead of 2 and I was in there an hour longer than expected as it was a bit more complex than they first thought and my insides were a bit of a mess. I was lucky enough to get a place on the private ward so we I had my own room with en-suite, very posh for a NHS hospital, and I was only waiting 2 hrs before I went down for my surgery. Unfortunately there were no hot doctors but I did have a make nurse called 'itchy' and there was a bit of female eye candy for Mr W in the shape of a very young nurse looking after me.

I didn’t realise I had to take my knickers off so when I went down for my anesthetic I suddenly blurted out “I have knickers on!" just as I was falling asleep. I woke up without them on obviously but somewhere between the anesthetic room and waking up back in my hospital room they got lost. That will be a lovely present for someone. I also forgot I had nail varnish on my toes after I was told off for having a face full of make-up and had to scrub it all off with some gauze but they discovered my painted chipped toes when I was in theatre. Anyone know why you can’t wear make-up or nail varnish?

Thanks for all your well wishes and for those of you who didn't wish me well, shame on you :)

I can only hope my drugged up tweets kept you mildly amused. I had my phone attached to my side as soon as I was wheeled back into my room..thats twitter dedication for you!

I have the photos to look forward to now.....my surgeon took some especially to show me..now those are photos that I will not be sticking on my fridge!

RANT OF THE WEEK: Fake Lesbians

2010-03-22T01:00:00.001Z

I may profess to have been a bit wild in my younger days, some would even categorise me as a bit mental, but there was one thing I never did; unlike Katy Perry I never kissed a girl..why? Because fake lesbians get right on my tits (though not literally as of course, they can try but as the real lesbians did at a gay club, I’d bat them off). Real lesbians…go for it, song that girls face off for all I care, the ones I can’t stand are the straight girls who song each other for attention. It’s so fucking boring. Call me a feminist but there are better ways to get a guys attention and snogging your friend is not one of them…and you can tell that they’re really not enjoying it. It just screams of desperation and the guys have absolutely no respect for you afterwards if you’re prepared to do whatever they want.

I’ve had guys ask me to snog my friend before and I’ve told them to fuck off. They get an image to store to their wank bank..what exactly should I get out of the deal other than having a load of skanky men baying at me in the middle of a club as if they were watching a bull fight? If they want to see two girls kissing they can go home and watch some red-tube.

If you want to see me kiss a girl you’ll have to put your hands in your pocket (for money you dirty minded people not to rummage for their trouser snake)

You, yes you!!!

2010-03-21T07:53:00.001Z

I appear to have gained some more followers this past week, not sure what I have been doing suddenly to make you all want to follow my blog but thank you anyway. Seeing as you all know so much about me, warts and all, I want to know some more about you (and I apologise for being a crap follower back..my commenting has lacked somewhat lately even replying to you comments on here..slap on the wrist!).

So I want to know one interesting/funny thing about you! Don't be shy..we're all friends here...come out from under your hiding place and say hello!

Leave a comment now...go on go! Best comment wins a prize.

(edit: just though I should probably have put a closing date, doh: you must comment by the 31st March 2010)