No point in flogging a dead horse

Happy Halloween!!!! (I don't have any decent pictures of me in my costume so you will have to make do with one of my after the party after I'd been crying and with damn fake blood on that I could not scrub off no matter how hard I tried..complete with mark on my forehead from my big that looks like some impressive stiches)

I can't believe how much of an emo I seem to be turning into lately. All I seem to do on here is cry over girls, or McDonalds and write a load of emotional b*shit...this is so not me but here goes another.....

So I've written loads of times about my female friends, how I don't have many and lately I seem to be loosing the few that I have....and it seems like I've now lost another and I can't seem to understand why.  A certain friend I've been emailing loads and texting and all of my correspondence to her has been ignored but I put it down to her being busy etc and another friend said that she has had the same responses off her so that made me feel a little beter however this weekend there was a big Halloween house party at a friends....i went as 'Malice in Horrorland' and I think I looked pretty swish..I have the psychopath look down to a 't'...and this friend was there. It was awkward. I felt like she was ignoring me and all the other girls were crowded around her so I felt a little pushed out and like I couldn't get any decent time alone with her (honestly since she moved up north every time she's back down she literally gets mobbed).

Later in the evening we all headed to the pub....maybe I'm just being paranoid but she was sat next to me at one point, had a very quick chat and then moved chairs to sit next to someone else as if she could not get away fast enough. 

I've broached the subject with her numerous times about me going up to stay with her in her new house....my question is either ignored or she dodges it or says she's really busy. I'd asked her a few weeks ago about going up next weekend but she'd ignored my email...then in the pub asks one of our 'new' friends in my earshot whether she wanted to go up and stay next weekend. That really really cut deep.

I went home soon after crying all the way back, which made me look even more psychotic in my blood stained apron and blonde wig.

The next day she popped round to a friends house whilst I was there and basically ignored me.  I sent her a text yesterday afternoon saying how it was lovely to see her and how I was sorry that I didn't get to speak to her much but that it was all a bit hectic and so I didn't want to crowd her and maybe we can meet up sometime soon....as yet...no reply!

Really stupid I know but I felt so hurt by it all as I honestly thought we were really good friends for the 3 years she was here. We used to hang out all of the time when she lived here (she even lived with me for 3 months) and even when she lived in another country for a year I used to send her videos and cards. 

I'm also feeling like the green monster has reared it's ugly head as I'm a little jealous that one of the new girls in our group seems to be spending lots of time with her up north and I feel as if they are purposely excluding me. My old paranoia then kicks in that the new girl (who I like but have nothing in common with and so we'll never be 'friends' and hang out without the boys around) is saying things about me behind my back....see I clearly have issues with the female species!

I know she's not being a bitch on purpose but either I've done something wrong and she feels unable to broach the subject with me, or maybe she just feels differently about our friendship now she's back home and has her old friends around her. I've changed since she's moved North...I'm much more confident..I even dress differently so maybe this is the problem..she feels this change and doesn't like it. Either way I feel clueless and I'm not even able to get an answer from her as she's ignoring any communication I'm making to her.

Like they say.....there is no point trying to keep a friendship that has obviously died.

That now leaves me down to 1 female friend!!

Yesterday I picked Mr W and Bodie up from a friends to bring back home and I ended up behind the wheel in tears crying manically at some traffic lights....things have been going to well lately and now I feel like a failure again. 

Am I that shit a person that people seem to go off me? Why can't I seem to keep female friends?

What the hell am I doing wrong? I'd pay good money for the key to the secret as for me it seems an impossible task.